This past weekend, I spent 24 hours with a group of ladies from my church at the Cafe Chocolat retreat. It was more eye opening than I could have imagined. I learned I can pray in front of other people, outside of my care group. I learned that grace is for everyone: your friends, yourself, your enemies. I also learned that not everyone who comes to a retreat is looking for what you have to offer, and some are just there as part of the routine of Christianity.
(something to do because you should do it, not because your heart is in it)
That last part really truly frustrates me. I mean, to the core. I am in a "weird" spiritual place right now- have been for months, and I cannot see complacency having a place in my walk with Christ. I am a huge procrastinator-(have had an unmatched sock basket for 21 years), so for me to make a statement about complacency is a big deal in my world. It actually hurts my soul to see women with so much to give, just sit like blobs and soak up nothing! Not just at a weekend retreat, but at any point in their life. Do they not realize their families are depending on them? Do they not understand their girlfriends may need their compassion, love and Christ centered attitude to help make difficult decisions? And why do they not understand that Christ wants nothing more from them- except themselves? I think its because no one has ever told them how important they are to their church,their family, their God. This makes me so sad, because it is true, every word.
I was very much the girl with blinders on. I was the one going through the motions of being a "christian woman". Sunday church, care groups off and on, VBS leader, and so on and so forth. I was her. For a long time. I was unattached to Christ, unattached to my church home and unattached to myself. I was one of these women, and I think that is why I see it so clearly now.
As disappointed as I am that some women came and left without soaking anything up- and it was GOOD, the soaking, I am also refreshed with optimism that if I can come through to the other side of wonderful, then anyone can. Its not a place of trouble and carefree living, with no stress, no issues, no troubles. Oh, believe me, there are troubles. But there is Hope. There is Hope in Grace that Christ provides. He showed it very clearly to his friends in his compassion, he showed it to his enemies when he healed the ear of Malchus, and he showed it to us when he chose to die a brutal death on the cross so we can be free spirits forever. What more can a girl ask for really?
Grace is something we must choose to give and receive. We must choose it to use it, and I am loving it. Lets face it, people are annoying, hateful, even crazy. But we can be grateful that those people have a real chance at redemption, because that is what grace is for. And so, therefore do we.
Praying for receptive grace and for giving grace this week.
Showing posts with label Grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grace. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Monday, October 21, 2013
Feeling Overwhelmed?!
On Sunday, Lots of people told me how great my hair looks. I wore a ponytail for 309 days in a row, and I think most of them were just breathing a sigh of relief that I had a new look. Truthfully, I am overwhelmed and sometimes a big change makes me feel better. Plus, I wanted different hair for the second wedding in our family in 30 days....so I whacked it all off. 8 inches. Gone. No more ponytail-it isn't long enough.
Yes, I said second wedding within 30 days. Both of them for my children. My son and his beautiful fiance were married on September 21, and my daughter and her fiance are getting married this Saturday.
Ask me about being overwhelmed.
In the middle of the daily chaos that makes up our family and our lives, I also got laid off, my husband lost 60 hours of work in a single month and I am working on planning a women's retreat for our church with a group of women.
I have always been really good at saying yes to people I care about. I know being a yes girl has landed me in a world of trouble with time-management and such, but it feels so good to do something for others. Until this week.
The hair was agood sign, and my husband caught on right away. The first thing he said to me was " after all this is over, we need to plan a weekend get away trip for ourselves". No kidding. Then he complemented me on my haircut.
I know feeling overwhelmed is something we all deal with at some point- self inflicted or thrown on us by someone else, it can be a huge issue in our relationships and in our daily routine. The first thing I do when I feel that icky feeling running up my spine and into my head is to stop. I stop moving, thinking, even breathing. I stop and I pray. Anxiety is nothing to mess with, and there is nothing in the world that can bring down the house faster than an over-anxious momma stuck in a moment of uh-oh. I just say this simple prayer- "Father, I need you to lead. Lead my heart, my soul and my mind. I need you to calm my nerves, and give me clear thinking. Thank You Father. Amen". Mostly this is a prayer that I say from the inside of my head, then I wait for the calm to happen- and it always happens. (And it is weird at first- actually made me a little angry that it was so easy for God to do it, but so hard for me to ask).
Oh but once I ask- things seem clearer, and to happen in the way they should. And typically when momma stops moving, breathing and thinking, people notice and it gets pretty quiet. Mostly issues resolve themselves, or disappear altogether. God does work in mysterious ways, and this one really baffles and impresses me every time.
The hardest part of this process is remembering in the moment to stop and pray. But once you start doing it- your overwhelmed feelings can be turned into motivation for accomplishing what seems impossible at the time- through Christ who gives you strength.
Today as I count down to wedding #2,
I pray for overwhelmed mommas and their overwhelmed moments.
Yes, I said second wedding within 30 days. Both of them for my children. My son and his beautiful fiance were married on September 21, and my daughter and her fiance are getting married this Saturday.
Ask me about being overwhelmed.
In the middle of the daily chaos that makes up our family and our lives, I also got laid off, my husband lost 60 hours of work in a single month and I am working on planning a women's retreat for our church with a group of women.
I have always been really good at saying yes to people I care about. I know being a yes girl has landed me in a world of trouble with time-management and such, but it feels so good to do something for others. Until this week.
The hair was a
I know feeling overwhelmed is something we all deal with at some point- self inflicted or thrown on us by someone else, it can be a huge issue in our relationships and in our daily routine. The first thing I do when I feel that icky feeling running up my spine and into my head is to stop. I stop moving, thinking, even breathing. I stop and I pray. Anxiety is nothing to mess with, and there is nothing in the world that can bring down the house faster than an over-anxious momma stuck in a moment of uh-oh. I just say this simple prayer- "Father, I need you to lead. Lead my heart, my soul and my mind. I need you to calm my nerves, and give me clear thinking. Thank You Father. Amen". Mostly this is a prayer that I say from the inside of my head, then I wait for the calm to happen- and it always happens. (And it is weird at first- actually made me a little angry that it was so easy for God to do it, but so hard for me to ask).
Oh but once I ask- things seem clearer, and to happen in the way they should. And typically when momma stops moving, breathing and thinking, people notice and it gets pretty quiet. Mostly issues resolve themselves, or disappear altogether. God does work in mysterious ways, and this one really baffles and impresses me every time.
The hardest part of this process is remembering in the moment to stop and pray. But once you start doing it- your overwhelmed feelings can be turned into motivation for accomplishing what seems impossible at the time- through Christ who gives you strength.
Today as I count down to wedding #2,
I pray for overwhelmed mommas and their overwhelmed moments.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Im not that girl anymore...WHEW
Ten years ago I came completely unhinged when people did stupid human things that humans do. I remember seeing someone cringe once when I came into the school to pick up my boys after they rolled off the bus in a fist-fight.
Brothers.
In a fist -fight.
With each other.
I was one really out of control momma. I am pretty sure that was my breaking point with myself. Then came my breaking point with everything else. I am not sure what exactly happened, and I am sure I don't want to remember. I just know that I had met my limit with people, things and stuff in general.
Then in one of my little cleaning rages ( I tend to do that when I get angry or frustrated), I found a note card with a scripture on it. "Be still" it said. "KNOW that I am GOD". I remember writing that on the card some years before when I was trying to be super-scripture girl-wanting to know the words, but truly never admitting that I didn't understand them at all.
Be still.
Be still.
Be still.
Those words haunted me for days, as I tried to "get back into a routine" with the cleaning, mothering and wife-ing , (is that a word?) . I just kept coming back to them. BE STILL screamed at me from every dirty sock, dirty dish and dirty floor. Never was our house in such great shape. CLEAN house, dirty soul. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating. I accidentally went four days without caffeine....and during that headache I let the everything that was inside me, holding me prisoner to myself, out. I cried. I scrubbed. I cried. Then finally, I collapsed onto my bed and prayed.
WHAT?
Prayed?
Seriously, am I so dense that I had to collapse on my bed in hysterics to PRAY?! I really understood the straw that broke the camels back theory. and I never want to go there again. Growing hurts! I was very hurt. My heart ached for something that not even my husband could fill. My body hurt from all the scrubbing. My head hurt from over-thinking everything.
Prayer hurt too. Something totally unexpected. And new- not in the warm fuzzy way. I was really quiet for a few weeks. Then I decided I liked me that way. Was the entire lesson for me to just shut up and listen for once? Because I really still don't know what I am listening for.
What I do know is this:
-God speaks in some loud ways, and some quiet ways.
-Prayer and meditation have changed me.
-I have everything I need, provided to me by the Father.
-I'm thankful I'm not that girl anymore.
Not being her doesn't mean perfection. And I have learned it doesn't mean other people have forgotten her. She is still very alive for some, and for some that is who I will always be. (That's quite unfortunate since I have changed so much and have so much more to offer than others may think.) I will not go into the many many things I have left behind with the girl I used to be. Lets just say I am very careful to continue on the path God has laid before me, using discernment, prayer, meditation, fellowship and compassion. Everything I make a decision about must be Biblically founded in this new journey of mine. How I discipline my children, love my husband and where my loyalty lies. I worship a God who has undeniable power to change a life going nowhere good into something wonderful and inspiring to others. I worship a God who asks only that I love Him first and put everything about being human last. And when others aren't ok with that, it is OK. Because I am.
From the perspective of someone who knows- If you have been judging someone from their past actions, behaviors or where they come from- remember- our God is compassionate, forgiving and loving. People are human and able to change. I did. And those who see my change recognize that God has moved in me, as He moves in others. Be careful not to fall into the trap of judgement, assumptions and grudges. Its not a place to live. And forgiveness and redemption are meant to be for everyone.
Praying for those unjustly accused and for their accusers- there are two sides to every story, and everyone should live as if they reside in a glass house.
Brothers.
In a fist -fight.
With each other.
I was one really out of control momma. I am pretty sure that was my breaking point with myself. Then came my breaking point with everything else. I am not sure what exactly happened, and I am sure I don't want to remember. I just know that I had met my limit with people, things and stuff in general.
Then in one of my little cleaning rages ( I tend to do that when I get angry or frustrated), I found a note card with a scripture on it. "Be still" it said. "KNOW that I am GOD". I remember writing that on the card some years before when I was trying to be super-scripture girl-wanting to know the words, but truly never admitting that I didn't understand them at all.
Be still.
Be still.
Be still.
Those words haunted me for days, as I tried to "get back into a routine" with the cleaning, mothering and wife-ing , (is that a word?) . I just kept coming back to them. BE STILL screamed at me from every dirty sock, dirty dish and dirty floor. Never was our house in such great shape. CLEAN house, dirty soul. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating. I accidentally went four days without caffeine....and during that headache I let the everything that was inside me, holding me prisoner to myself, out. I cried. I scrubbed. I cried. Then finally, I collapsed onto my bed and prayed.
WHAT?
Prayed?
Seriously, am I so dense that I had to collapse on my bed in hysterics to PRAY?! I really understood the straw that broke the camels back theory. and I never want to go there again. Growing hurts! I was very hurt. My heart ached for something that not even my husband could fill. My body hurt from all the scrubbing. My head hurt from over-thinking everything.
Prayer hurt too. Something totally unexpected. And new- not in the warm fuzzy way. I was really quiet for a few weeks. Then I decided I liked me that way. Was the entire lesson for me to just shut up and listen for once? Because I really still don't know what I am listening for.
What I do know is this:
-God speaks in some loud ways, and some quiet ways.
-Prayer and meditation have changed me.
-I have everything I need, provided to me by the Father.
-I'm thankful I'm not that girl anymore.
Not being her doesn't mean perfection. And I have learned it doesn't mean other people have forgotten her. She is still very alive for some, and for some that is who I will always be. (That's quite unfortunate since I have changed so much and have so much more to offer than others may think.) I will not go into the many many things I have left behind with the girl I used to be. Lets just say I am very careful to continue on the path God has laid before me, using discernment, prayer, meditation, fellowship and compassion. Everything I make a decision about must be Biblically founded in this new journey of mine. How I discipline my children, love my husband and where my loyalty lies. I worship a God who has undeniable power to change a life going nowhere good into something wonderful and inspiring to others. I worship a God who asks only that I love Him first and put everything about being human last. And when others aren't ok with that, it is OK. Because I am.
From the perspective of someone who knows- If you have been judging someone from their past actions, behaviors or where they come from- remember- our God is compassionate, forgiving and loving. People are human and able to change. I did. And those who see my change recognize that God has moved in me, as He moves in others. Be careful not to fall into the trap of judgement, assumptions and grudges. Its not a place to live. And forgiveness and redemption are meant to be for everyone.
Praying for those unjustly accused and for their accusers- there are two sides to every story, and everyone should live as if they reside in a glass house.
Friday, August 23, 2013
This has been too much
The grief that overwhelms me is just to much.
The anxiety that overwhelms me is just too much.
The fierceness of the love I feel for my children is just too much.
Yet through grief, anxiety, fierce love, I have an opportunity to grow.
Growing hurts this girl.
My last few weeks have been rough to say the least.
Planning weddings, grieving a loss, working like a dog and watching my family hold on during a crisis has made it a very full time.
It's hard enough when it's just my personal struggle I have to deal with. But watching my children struggle is tougher than anything. And hearing a co- worker compare her thoughts about her children to that of the way a child forgets his kitten when it grows up is heartbreaking. My children mean the world to me. Aside from my God and my husband, they are everything. So the struggle continues. My heart continues to break, not for myself this time, but for my co-worker who doesn't see the light.
I do not compare myself to Job- only thank God everyday
For the time I have with those I love , and for the ability To love them in the best way I know how.
I'm a child, wife, mother.
And I am very grateful.
Praying for broken hearts and sour souls.
The anxiety that overwhelms me is just too much.
The fierceness of the love I feel for my children is just too much.
Yet through grief, anxiety, fierce love, I have an opportunity to grow.
Growing hurts this girl.
My last few weeks have been rough to say the least.
Planning weddings, grieving a loss, working like a dog and watching my family hold on during a crisis has made it a very full time.
It's hard enough when it's just my personal struggle I have to deal with. But watching my children struggle is tougher than anything. And hearing a co- worker compare her thoughts about her children to that of the way a child forgets his kitten when it grows up is heartbreaking. My children mean the world to me. Aside from my God and my husband, they are everything. So the struggle continues. My heart continues to break, not for myself this time, but for my co-worker who doesn't see the light.
I do not compare myself to Job- only thank God everyday
For the time I have with those I love , and for the ability To love them in the best way I know how.
I'm a child, wife, mother.
And I am very grateful.
Praying for broken hearts and sour souls.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Call me Mrs. Cranky Pants
Hello.
I am Mrs Cranky Pants today...
Nice to meet you.
This is just a little taste of how I am feeling this week. I know I am a cranky pants. I have been avoiding the general population like they all have leprosy. I am not responding to texts, emails or phone calls. I am not indulging myself with amazing conversations with my husband or my girlfriends. I just do not care.
My head is in a place my heart dares not to go- ever. The self-doubting, depressed, can't- find- a- thing- to- wear, never- have- enough- money, just- really- want- this- cycle- of- emotion- to- end place. The place where I am screaming and screaming on the inside, and then after I am exhausted, I realize no one is listening.
I'm pretty sure God himself may want earplugs.
I am so seriously overcooked this week.
I have overdone it trying to be the best wife, mother, employee and friend. I have over obligated my heart and soul to things of this earth that I know I cannot keep up with. I haven't been meditating. I haven't been reading. I haven't been praying the way I normally pray.
Going through the motions.
I have been sleeping half the night, having nightmares the other half. I have been doing half the laundry, half the dishes and forgetting to fill up the gas tank before I leave town for work.
I miss my husband, and I guess I need a vacation.
In Psalm 5:3, it says: "In the morning oh Lord, you hear my voice, In the morning I lay my request before you and wait in expectation."
This verse has been a life saver for me for quite some time. In the morning I love to get up early and sit with a cup of coffee while I contemplate solving the worlds greatest mysteries and pray to God about all of the things I pray about. I love to wash the dishes- the old fashioned way- and watch the morning come alive out of the kitchen window. I love to hear the first foot steps of whomever has awakened after me, and to hear the excitement of the dogs when they realize its time to get up. The morning provides so many fresh moments, that I hate to miss them because I am a cranky-pants.
My guess is if Jesus needed to refresh himself with times of prayer, fasting and meditation, then I probably should be following suite. I am also sure Jesus wouldn't blame himself for other peoples mistakes or antics, arriving at the conclusion that everything everyone says or does is not within my control, and even though I know it is hurtful, it is not my problem to fix. ( he even said "they know not what they do") I can only ask WWJD, and once that question is answered, figure out for myself what I need to focus on.
Then maybe this extended stay of Mrs. Cranky Pants will come to a refreshing end.
Before I am forced to live in the barn with the chickens because of my bad attitude and distressed disposition.
PRAYING for MYSELF and all of the other MRS CRANKY PANTS out there this week.
I am Mrs Cranky Pants today...
Nice to meet you.
This is just a little taste of how I am feeling this week. I know I am a cranky pants. I have been avoiding the general population like they all have leprosy. I am not responding to texts, emails or phone calls. I am not indulging myself with amazing conversations with my husband or my girlfriends. I just do not care.
My head is in a place my heart dares not to go- ever. The self-doubting, depressed, can't- find- a- thing- to- wear, never- have- enough- money, just- really- want- this- cycle- of- emotion- to- end place. The place where I am screaming and screaming on the inside, and then after I am exhausted, I realize no one is listening.
I'm pretty sure God himself may want earplugs.
I am so seriously overcooked this week.
I have overdone it trying to be the best wife, mother, employee and friend. I have over obligated my heart and soul to things of this earth that I know I cannot keep up with. I haven't been meditating. I haven't been reading. I haven't been praying the way I normally pray.
Going through the motions.
I have been sleeping half the night, having nightmares the other half. I have been doing half the laundry, half the dishes and forgetting to fill up the gas tank before I leave town for work.
I miss my husband, and I guess I need a vacation.
In Psalm 5:3, it says: "In the morning oh Lord, you hear my voice, In the morning I lay my request before you and wait in expectation."
This verse has been a life saver for me for quite some time. In the morning I love to get up early and sit with a cup of coffee while I contemplate solving the worlds greatest mysteries and pray to God about all of the things I pray about. I love to wash the dishes- the old fashioned way- and watch the morning come alive out of the kitchen window. I love to hear the first foot steps of whomever has awakened after me, and to hear the excitement of the dogs when they realize its time to get up. The morning provides so many fresh moments, that I hate to miss them because I am a cranky-pants.
My guess is if Jesus needed to refresh himself with times of prayer, fasting and meditation, then I probably should be following suite. I am also sure Jesus wouldn't blame himself for other peoples mistakes or antics, arriving at the conclusion that everything everyone says or does is not within my control, and even though I know it is hurtful, it is not my problem to fix. ( he even said "they know not what they do") I can only ask WWJD, and once that question is answered, figure out for myself what I need to focus on.
Then maybe this extended stay of Mrs. Cranky Pants will come to a refreshing end.
Before I am forced to live in the barn with the chickens because of my bad attitude and distressed disposition.
PRAYING for MYSELF and all of the other MRS CRANKY PANTS out there this week.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Wonder Woman
I am a self proclaimed Wonder-Woman.
Let me explain before you go looking for my bustier and arm bands....
I have never had a group of women I felt connected to. I have always had a friend here, a pal there. Acquaintences from the kids friends and women from work, but never really a true group of women that had emotion like I do, that loved their families fiercely like I do or that hurt quietly like I do.
Until now.
Let me introduce you to a true inner circle...
The first woman I will tell you about has a great job- but secretly wants to be at home in her pj's every moment, exploring with her kids and watching her husband play like he is a farmer. She has to make critical decisions at work everyday,then comes home to a housefull of errands, practices and produce, all needing to be tended to. Yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
Another woman is a WHIZ at the sewing machine- makes more quilts than I have ever seen and has a way of figuring things out that is to amazing- she makes it all look trivial. She has a hubby and 3 college kids, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
Another woman has a most difficult job- she speaks to those who have financial issues all day long. Her adult children live in two parts of the country and she takes care of her own house and life, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
One other woman has younger children, depending on her husband to cover her when she needs an escape. He is busy too, with a full time job and a family, and she takes care of their farm and holds the fort down, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
then there is me....I have such a mess of things going on, I decided I needed this or therapy. Turns out its the best therapy I could get. I live in one type of zoo and work in another. Yet, I still have made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because I am searching for something more...
Full of prayer, praise and study. We are the most unlikely group of women to come together- funny how God works like that. No time for house talk, no time for complaining. Just pure studying about ourselves and what parts of us God uses to make our world go round... Focusing on a book about being "unglued". Sticky topic for us all.
By accidentally ministering to one of us, then that one ministering to another, a common thread was born. A thread of wanting Grace, Redemption, Change...a thread of wanting to change our families legacies, or their relationships with each of us. A thread spinning into a fabric that shows no matter the person, we are all human, we all fall short of what we think we should be to ourselves and to others. We all strive to be "that girl" in the Christian books and stories. Didn't take long to realize we are that girl- she isn't perfect either. She is Ruth, she is Deliliah, she is Mary Magdalene, she is Bathsheba, she is the woman at the well.
As I look around the room at these women, all with their hearts open and full of understanding for the others, a sense of comraderie and compassion fills me from within.
And I wonder where they have been all my life.
Thats what meakes me a "Wonder Woman"
Praying for those Wonder Women tonight...and all their wondering.
Let me explain before you go looking for my bustier and arm bands....
I have never had a group of women I felt connected to. I have always had a friend here, a pal there. Acquaintences from the kids friends and women from work, but never really a true group of women that had emotion like I do, that loved their families fiercely like I do or that hurt quietly like I do.
Until now.
Let me introduce you to a true inner circle...
The first woman I will tell you about has a great job- but secretly wants to be at home in her pj's every moment, exploring with her kids and watching her husband play like he is a farmer. She has to make critical decisions at work everyday,then comes home to a housefull of errands, practices and produce, all needing to be tended to. Yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
Another woman is a WHIZ at the sewing machine- makes more quilts than I have ever seen and has a way of figuring things out that is to amazing- she makes it all look trivial. She has a hubby and 3 college kids, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
Another woman has a most difficult job- she speaks to those who have financial issues all day long. Her adult children live in two parts of the country and she takes care of her own house and life, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
One other woman has younger children, depending on her husband to cover her when she needs an escape. He is busy too, with a full time job and a family, and she takes care of their farm and holds the fort down, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
then there is me....I have such a mess of things going on, I decided I needed this or therapy. Turns out its the best therapy I could get. I live in one type of zoo and work in another. Yet, I still have made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because I am searching for something more...
Full of prayer, praise and study. We are the most unlikely group of women to come together- funny how God works like that. No time for house talk, no time for complaining. Just pure studying about ourselves and what parts of us God uses to make our world go round... Focusing on a book about being "unglued". Sticky topic for us all.
By accidentally ministering to one of us, then that one ministering to another, a common thread was born. A thread of wanting Grace, Redemption, Change...a thread of wanting to change our families legacies, or their relationships with each of us. A thread spinning into a fabric that shows no matter the person, we are all human, we all fall short of what we think we should be to ourselves and to others. We all strive to be "that girl" in the Christian books and stories. Didn't take long to realize we are that girl- she isn't perfect either. She is Ruth, she is Deliliah, she is Mary Magdalene, she is Bathsheba, she is the woman at the well.
As I look around the room at these women, all with their hearts open and full of understanding for the others, a sense of comraderie and compassion fills me from within.
And I wonder where they have been all my life.
Thats what meakes me a "Wonder Woman"
Praying for those Wonder Women tonight...and all their wondering.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Perpetual Care
Do any of you ever recall hearing the term "Perpetual Care" ?
In this world many years ago, when your family owned a cemetery lot, it was large enough for your entire family. It is said that until recent generations, when one referred to their family, it included all those quirky people you grew up with as your "relatives". Cousins, uncles, aunts and each one in between was a part of that family unit. If there was a weekend brunch, everyone came. If someone got married, plan on an all day event. When someone passed away, the family took care of "things", such as property care and personal business, until the family had mourned and recovered as best it could.
The cemetery plot was kept up by the family too, sometimes fenced, with each lot looking different, some not cared for at all. There were monuments and various stones reflecting each of the persons buried there.
Now a family cemetery plot is limited to married couples, or couples with an unmarried child. Normally sold as a two unit plot, very small with no upkeep required.
When touring a local cemetery and park, I was educated about such things. The one thing that I kept returning to was the Perpetual Care markers on some of the older sites. These markers were for the families who had the money to pay the cemetery caretaker to "perpetually" (or forever) care for the plot, plants and stones within it.
Perpetual Care.
Now that is interesting to think about.
Thinking about my spouse- this is a vow my husband and I took in Sept of 1992- to care for one another as long as we lived, and to care for our souls in the process so we could care for one another eternally.
Thinking about my mother. With a few exceptions, once a mother, always a mother! This one has been tough for me to figure out- there are boundaries when your children are adults, yet somehow I still feel responsible, embarrassed, proud and angry with their choices, or lack of. One of them doesn't live here anymore, and I am still always worried about his reflection on himself and our family. I worry that the next one to leave won't remember to call and chit-chat with her momma, or come see us when we are old, or ask if she needs something.
Thinking about my God. With all of the instructions and directions and laws and parables, God promises Perpetual Care...Eternal life with Him and His son for all of time. Perpetual while on this earth and perpetual afterward.
Such a powerful little thing for me to notice this week, at a point in time when those around me do not share my beliefs. A point in time when I was standing in the most beautiful cemetery I have ever seen in my life- ( I have been to Arlington and this was completely different), surrounded by the last thoughts about men and women and babies who died from their cause, or illness or accident. A point in time when God determined to let the thunder roll and roll as storms rolled in and brought lightening and thunder and showers with them, contributing to the ambiance of the place I stood.
As I stood under a 300 year old magnificent oak tree, I wondered about its version of perpetual care, its branches hanging so low they touched the earth then returned upward, its leaves stretching for the light of the sun. While its leaves stretched and grew, its branches protected many of the family plots that surround it, like a mothers arms around her children for all eternity, protecting them until God takes them for his own.
As I looked upon the rows of Civil War tombstones, men from both sides fallen side by side, now laid to rest aside one another , some identified , some not, all leaving this earthly life feeling as though they are fighting for a cause- only to find the same perpetual care in the same heaven with the same God smiling on them all for their worthy sacrifice.
I am sure there are other applications of "Perpetual Care" that I have overlooked. If any of you have anything to add, please feel free to comment- I love reading what you have to say, and its nice knowing someone is reading.
Praying today for Perpetual Care to be made applicable in my life in a new way.
In this world many years ago, when your family owned a cemetery lot, it was large enough for your entire family. It is said that until recent generations, when one referred to their family, it included all those quirky people you grew up with as your "relatives". Cousins, uncles, aunts and each one in between was a part of that family unit. If there was a weekend brunch, everyone came. If someone got married, plan on an all day event. When someone passed away, the family took care of "things", such as property care and personal business, until the family had mourned and recovered as best it could.
The cemetery plot was kept up by the family too, sometimes fenced, with each lot looking different, some not cared for at all. There were monuments and various stones reflecting each of the persons buried there.
Now a family cemetery plot is limited to married couples, or couples with an unmarried child. Normally sold as a two unit plot, very small with no upkeep required.
When touring a local cemetery and park, I was educated about such things. The one thing that I kept returning to was the Perpetual Care markers on some of the older sites. These markers were for the families who had the money to pay the cemetery caretaker to "perpetually" (or forever) care for the plot, plants and stones within it.
Perpetual Care.
Now that is interesting to think about.
Thinking about my spouse- this is a vow my husband and I took in Sept of 1992- to care for one another as long as we lived, and to care for our souls in the process so we could care for one another eternally.
Thinking about my mother. With a few exceptions, once a mother, always a mother! This one has been tough for me to figure out- there are boundaries when your children are adults, yet somehow I still feel responsible, embarrassed, proud and angry with their choices, or lack of. One of them doesn't live here anymore, and I am still always worried about his reflection on himself and our family. I worry that the next one to leave won't remember to call and chit-chat with her momma, or come see us when we are old, or ask if she needs something.
Thinking about my God. With all of the instructions and directions and laws and parables, God promises Perpetual Care...Eternal life with Him and His son for all of time. Perpetual while on this earth and perpetual afterward.
Such a powerful little thing for me to notice this week, at a point in time when those around me do not share my beliefs. A point in time when I was standing in the most beautiful cemetery I have ever seen in my life- ( I have been to Arlington and this was completely different), surrounded by the last thoughts about men and women and babies who died from their cause, or illness or accident. A point in time when God determined to let the thunder roll and roll as storms rolled in and brought lightening and thunder and showers with them, contributing to the ambiance of the place I stood.
As I stood under a 300 year old magnificent oak tree, I wondered about its version of perpetual care, its branches hanging so low they touched the earth then returned upward, its leaves stretching for the light of the sun. While its leaves stretched and grew, its branches protected many of the family plots that surround it, like a mothers arms around her children for all eternity, protecting them until God takes them for his own.
As I looked upon the rows of Civil War tombstones, men from both sides fallen side by side, now laid to rest aside one another , some identified , some not, all leaving this earthly life feeling as though they are fighting for a cause- only to find the same perpetual care in the same heaven with the same God smiling on them all for their worthy sacrifice.
I am sure there are other applications of "Perpetual Care" that I have overlooked. If any of you have anything to add, please feel free to comment- I love reading what you have to say, and its nice knowing someone is reading.
Praying today for Perpetual Care to be made applicable in my life in a new way.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
the woman at the well
I am the woman at the well. Its true. I am her. I know what you are thinking.
1-you have only been married once
2-you are still married to the first
3-your well is electric
4-how can you even compare your life with hers
Here are all the answers:
1- I have been married only once, to a fabulous man ( not perfect, but perfect for me). He takes care of me, our children and our family. He meets all of my needs, and sometimes can read my mind. he keeps me grounded and safe.
2-We have been married for almost 21 years, with no issues of infidelity or otherwise. We have an honesty policy, even if the truth hurts. We are in everything together or not at all, with God leading us all the way.
3-Its a good thing I don't have to carry water any further than the barn- I am a huge wimp and carrying heavy things long distances wears on me.
4-I cannot compare my physical life with hers- no comparison.
She had been married and remarried.
She was living in sin with a man who wasn't her husband.
She was not welcome at the well with the other women who were more "appropriate" than her.
There it is.
She didn't feel welcome.
Jesus took her to his heart anyway.
Found one.
She did not understand what living water meant when He said it to her.
There it is again.
Misunderstanding.
She was not "pure" or "clean"
There it is again-imperfection.
She was not included in the daily lives of the other women, because she was different.
I spend a lot of time alone, feeling rejected.
She was not looking for Him, because she didn't know yet how he could change her heart.
Seriously significant- eye opening realization of who Christ is.
She had to learn about redemption the hard way.
DING DING...we have a winner.
I have learned everything the hard way.
Thank God He provides a soft landing.
The woman at the well is a fascinating story to me every time I read it. She is such an amazing example of how we receive gifts we weren't looking for, when we think we are undeserving. It is also the greatest example of how not to be as a woman. Regardless of my differences with others, nothing I do should ever lead another woman to feel like she is less than I am. Christ see's us all the same, and so should I.
Am I not the woman at the well?
That Jesus himself would save me, because He sees me as I am, not as I used to be?
Am I not the woman at the well?
Given the chance at eternity, no matter what the cost to Him?
Knowing my downfalls, my shortcomings, my everything?
Yet still He died for me, for her.
Because we are redeemed, I have nothing to fear.
*journal entry 7-7-13
Pray for yourself today- then pray for me.
1-you have only been married once
2-you are still married to the first
3-your well is electric
4-how can you even compare your life with hers
Here are all the answers:
1- I have been married only once, to a fabulous man ( not perfect, but perfect for me). He takes care of me, our children and our family. He meets all of my needs, and sometimes can read my mind. he keeps me grounded and safe.
2-We have been married for almost 21 years, with no issues of infidelity or otherwise. We have an honesty policy, even if the truth hurts. We are in everything together or not at all, with God leading us all the way.
3-Its a good thing I don't have to carry water any further than the barn- I am a huge wimp and carrying heavy things long distances wears on me.
4-I cannot compare my physical life with hers- no comparison.
She had been married and remarried.
She was living in sin with a man who wasn't her husband.
She was not welcome at the well with the other women who were more "appropriate" than her.
There it is.
She didn't feel welcome.
Jesus took her to his heart anyway.
Found one.
She did not understand what living water meant when He said it to her.
There it is again.
Misunderstanding.
She was not "pure" or "clean"
There it is again-imperfection.
She was not included in the daily lives of the other women, because she was different.
I spend a lot of time alone, feeling rejected.
She was not looking for Him, because she didn't know yet how he could change her heart.
Seriously significant- eye opening realization of who Christ is.
She had to learn about redemption the hard way.
DING DING...we have a winner.
I have learned everything the hard way.
Thank God He provides a soft landing.
The woman at the well is a fascinating story to me every time I read it. She is such an amazing example of how we receive gifts we weren't looking for, when we think we are undeserving. It is also the greatest example of how not to be as a woman. Regardless of my differences with others, nothing I do should ever lead another woman to feel like she is less than I am. Christ see's us all the same, and so should I.
Am I not the woman at the well?
That Jesus himself would save me, because He sees me as I am, not as I used to be?
Am I not the woman at the well?
Given the chance at eternity, no matter what the cost to Him?
Knowing my downfalls, my shortcomings, my everything?
Yet still He died for me, for her.
Because we are redeemed, I have nothing to fear.
*journal entry 7-7-13
Pray for yourself today- then pray for me.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
In The Garden
In the garden I find time to make all of those life adjustments I need to make, right when I need to make them. I can weed out my frustrations and create something beautiful at the same time. I love my gardens, whether it be the one for feeding or the one for beauty and enjoyment.
I love feeling the earth beneath my feet and the soil in my hands as I work to create a masterpiece, all along understanding that it is with Gods perfect timing that the things I plant will grow, just like the seeds planted in me have taken their time to flourish.
In the mean time, I pray consistently, and I now understand what it means to have a prayerful heart. It doesn't mean to be perfect, or to drop your every sin at a moments notice. What it does mean is that through real prayer comes real faith, and from real faith comes real change. Through these things, reading my bible and various other books, I have learned something in my heart that my head already knew. Jesus is as real as it gets, and when I behave like him, I am comforted in the knowledge that He accepts me where I am, in the middle of my growth and the middle of my life.
It also means facing adversity when most do not, and opening yourself up to a variety of spiritual warfare like no other. I love my God, with my everything. I am without a doubt walking through a time in my personal growth where I see things exactly as they are, and some of it is frightening to me. But I stand firmly on the rock that is my salvation, and on the one truth- there will come a day when the only opinion of me that is going to matter is going to be His and His alone.
The scary part of spiritual awakening for me is to see others in a new light, or reality, and to understand that unless someone gets to know your heart and the true "you", they will always see you as the person you were before, the person from the past. I can say with sincerity that I do not miss the girl I was, even 5 years ago. I do not miss her at all. My husband does not miss her, and my children do not miss her. I am certain my God does not miss her. She is a woman with no filter, no compassion and no spiritual connection. She was a woman of empty words. Sometimes I feel her creeping in, in a moment of weakness and I tell her to go, because there is no room in my heart for her anymore.
I feel sorry for those who still think I am her- for she is gone. I am me now- I am the Angie I have always wanted to be- I am a Christian first, a wife second and a mother third. I have good christian women who support and pray for me everyday, in spite of their circumstances. I have a husband who has been nothing but a support and source of love to me for over 20 years. I belong to a church that continues to grow and change, as churches sometimes do. I have faith that God will do exactly what I need, when I need it, because I am never alone- even if it is not what I ask for.
Even though sometimes I am made to feel like the woman at the well, I know that I should be proud to be her, on the receiving end of what Christ has to offer- living water and peaceful eternity.(more on this next time)
I hope you have enjoyed this post on my blog- I have enjoyed sharing it with you. I love to write, and I will continue to do so as long as you want to read.
Please remember to pray for yourself today, as you are important to God and to me.
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