I am Mrs Cranky Pants today...
Nice to meet you.
This is just a little taste of how I am feeling this week. I know I am a cranky pants. I have been avoiding the general population like they all have leprosy. I am not responding to texts, emails or phone calls. I am not indulging myself with amazing conversations with my husband or my girlfriends. I just do not care.
My head is in a place my heart dares not to go- ever. The self-doubting, depressed, can't- find- a- thing- to- wear, never- have- enough- money, just- really- want- this- cycle- of- emotion- to- end place. The place where I am screaming and screaming on the inside, and then after I am exhausted, I realize no one is listening.
I'm pretty sure God himself may want earplugs.
I am so seriously overcooked this week.
I have overdone it trying to be the best wife, mother, employee and friend. I have over obligated my heart and soul to things of this earth that I know I cannot keep up with. I haven't been meditating. I haven't been reading. I haven't been praying the way I normally pray.
Going through the motions.
I have been sleeping half the night, having nightmares the other half. I have been doing half the laundry, half the dishes and forgetting to fill up the gas tank before I leave town for work.
I miss my husband, and I guess I need a vacation.
In Psalm 5:3, it says: "In the morning oh Lord, you hear my voice, In the morning I lay my request before you and wait in expectation."
This verse has been a life saver for me for quite some time. In the morning I love to get up early and sit with a cup of coffee while I contemplate solving the worlds greatest mysteries and pray to God about all of the things I pray about. I love to wash the dishes- the old fashioned way- and watch the morning come alive out of the kitchen window. I love to hear the first foot steps of whomever has awakened after me, and to hear the excitement of the dogs when they realize its time to get up. The morning provides so many fresh moments, that I hate to miss them because I am a cranky-pants.
My guess is if Jesus needed to refresh himself with times of prayer, fasting and meditation, then I probably should be following suite. I am also sure Jesus wouldn't blame himself for other peoples mistakes or antics, arriving at the conclusion that everything everyone says or does is not within my control, and even though I know it is hurtful, it is not my problem to fix. ( he even said "they know not what they do") I can only ask WWJD, and once that question is answered, figure out for myself what I need to focus on.
Then maybe this extended stay of Mrs. Cranky Pants will come to a refreshing end.
Before I am forced to live in the barn with the chickens because of my bad attitude and distressed disposition.
PRAYING for MYSELF and all of the other MRS CRANKY PANTS out there this week.