In the garden I find time to make all of those life adjustments I need to make, right when I need to make them. I can weed out my frustrations and create something beautiful at the same time. I love my gardens, whether it be the one for feeding or the one for beauty and enjoyment.
I love feeling the earth beneath my feet and the soil in my hands as I work to create a masterpiece, all along understanding that it is with Gods perfect timing that the things I plant will grow, just like the seeds planted in me have taken their time to flourish.
In the mean time, I pray consistently, and I now understand what it means to have a prayerful heart. It doesn't mean to be perfect, or to drop your every sin at a moments notice. What it does mean is that through real prayer comes real faith, and from real faith comes real change. Through these things, reading my bible and various other books, I have learned something in my heart that my head already knew. Jesus is as real as it gets, and when I behave like him, I am comforted in the knowledge that He accepts me where I am, in the middle of my growth and the middle of my life.
It also means facing adversity when most do not, and opening yourself up to a variety of spiritual warfare like no other. I love my God, with my everything. I am without a doubt walking through a time in my personal growth where I see things exactly as they are, and some of it is frightening to me. But I stand firmly on the rock that is my salvation, and on the one truth- there will come a day when the only opinion of me that is going to matter is going to be His and His alone.
The scary part of spiritual awakening for me is to see others in a new light, or reality, and to understand that unless someone gets to know your heart and the true "you", they will always see you as the person you were before, the person from the past. I can say with sincerity that I do not miss the girl I was, even 5 years ago. I do not miss her at all. My husband does not miss her, and my children do not miss her. I am certain my God does not miss her. She is a woman with no filter, no compassion and no spiritual connection. She was a woman of empty words. Sometimes I feel her creeping in, in a moment of weakness and I tell her to go, because there is no room in my heart for her anymore.
I feel sorry for those who still think I am her- for she is gone. I am me now- I am the Angie I have always wanted to be- I am a Christian first, a wife second and a mother third. I have good christian women who support and pray for me everyday, in spite of their circumstances. I have a husband who has been nothing but a support and source of love to me for over 20 years. I belong to a church that continues to grow and change, as churches sometimes do. I have faith that God will do exactly what I need, when I need it, because I am never alone- even if it is not what I ask for.
Even though sometimes I am made to feel like the woman at the well, I know that I should be proud to be her, on the receiving end of what Christ has to offer- living water and peaceful eternity.(more on this next time)
I hope you have enjoyed this post on my blog- I have enjoyed sharing it with you. I love to write, and I will continue to do so as long as you want to read.
Please remember to pray for yourself today, as you are important to God and to me.