The best things in life are rarely free...I can attest to this.
When I had my children, I knew a little piece of me was going to disappear in them, and it was something I would never get back. Raising them has been such a joy, with equal amounts of heart break and aggravation.
When I got married, I gave myself to my husband, never to be an individual again. It was like melting two people into one- we share everything and he is truly my best friend.This relationship leaves no room to be self- absorbed or completely independent. He is really the only human I fully trust- there is no one I confide in, love or want to spend my time with more-(including my closest girlfriends, because even my relationships with them frustrate me somewhat).
I have never been one to mince words, so here we go- people disappoint me. On a huge, grand scale. Yet I keep trying to figure them out.
I love the relationship I have with my husband because we have both worked very hard to build a strong life and marriage together. Our foundation is Christ and that is where we stand, together. I do not feel that way about my other relationships- not my children, not my friends.
My children make decisions I do not agree with on a consistent basis- its a growing thing for them, but a real heart-breaker for me sometimes. My friends are another story altogether. Between obvious bad decisions, unrealistic expectations and half way committing to this friendship, I get really aggravated, and sometimes really hurt. Just because its Christmastime, it doesn't mean there is an exception to this rule. Some would say its part of the human process. I say its selfish ambition, lame excuses and relationship laziness and I am tired and weary of it all.
Let me explain before I get myself into a deep deep hole....Remember when I said my husband and I have a terrific relationship? I did NOT say perfect- I said terrific. Some people think our marriage should be envied- I however think our marriage is like other Christ based relationships- Biblical and passionate. We believe the same things, yet we still argue about them. We love fiercely- yet differently. We work hard- in different industries. Neither of us is perfect- but we are a perfect fit for one another. We work hard at our marriage- harder then any other relationship of the human sense. Its all about the "We".
Not one of my other earthly relationships is like this.
They are mostly based on things we have in common other than Christ- the school we went to, our kids activities, our church or otherwise. When I woke up this morning and realized how shallow those reasons are, it explained a lot of the disappointment and heartache I feel in these relationships sometimes. It scares me to think my closest relationships are based on things that can disappear at a moments notice. There is no spiritual connection. I had at one time decided I shouldn't be part of some of my relationships- they were unhealthy for me, sometimes returning me to a past I am trying hard to forget and move on from. My struggle comes in that decision- do I walk away from a relationship that does not glorify God, or do I fight for it ( sometimes alone) to be the only light my "friend" sees? At what risk to my personal well being?
I have taken a stand on many things in my life- God, my marriage, my children, my family and my church. Re-thinking relationships I have had for years is a tough process. Just like growing, it hurts but I believe it is necessary. At what point do we as Christian women cut the tie with a friend based on its relevancy to our personal walk with Christ? When do we switch from friend to mentor? When do we turn that over to God and let Him decide our path? How do we survive the decision when the friend determines the friendship is over, and where do we go from there? All questions I would love to have the answers to......
Praying for friendships and change.
(disclaimer- I have one truly passionate friend whom I have a true spiritual connection with. She is Christ centered and I love that about her- its the reason we are close.She prays for me and we have deep conversations- I believe she was sent straight to me from God and we have a lot to learn from each other)