Saturday, October 19, 2013

My take on Marriage

As I spend more time with prayer, reading and meditation, I learn more about other people than I had imagined I ever would....

In conversations with my closest inner circle of friends, I have found I am a very blessed girl...

My husband and I have been married for 21 amazing and sometimes challenging years. We have faced adversity from many directions, had four children, have a daughter in law and will have a son in law in a couple weeks. We have a beautiful granddaughter who is the light of our lives, and another grandchild we will meet one day when we cross over the threshold of heaven.

The things we have "missed" out on in life I mistakenly thought every Christian married couple "missed" out on. Jealousy, animosity, greed, selfishness, lack of self control. I just didn't realize the people all around me do not have the kind of marriage we do. I was shocked at first. I am not oblivious to the fact that we are all human, and we make mistakes, (sin), and that perfection is not even an option. I also am acutely aware that my hubby and I are not perfect either- we just know how to stick together, love each other unconditionally and be a married couple, part of a partnership in which there is no room for distrust or worry.  Unfortunatly, not every couple has this, because not every individual in every marriage wants to. It is very unfortunate, because my marriage is second only to my relationship with Christ. 

In reflection of all of the things I have witnessed in the past few years, I have come to a few conclusions. 
First- I am not sure how you can expect to have a marriage that is solid- I mean rock solid- without first having a relationship with Christ that you can stand on. I have known "good" married couples that had rocky roads and I believe it was because they weren't Christlike in their attitude toward their marriages. (personal opinion based on biblical principal)

Second- a husband/wife is a treasure that should be cherished and protected. I can honestly say, I am a big girl, and I can handle myself most of the time. I have a way of pulling up my big girl britches and getting on with life, no matter the circumstance. Very rarely does my husband need to rescue me. On those rare occasions, he does it very well, and always with love for me in the front of his mind.

Third- If you are a person who is in a marriage and you are uncertain of your position with your spouse, you need to STOP reading this and go find out. When there are big life changes, (babies, grandchildren, marriages, empty nesting, death) there are emotional changes too. Men and women take these changes to heart differently, and it can put strain on a marriage that is not solid.

Fourth- If you are not still "dating" your spouse you are missing out on some of the best moments of your life. We do not get to go on vacations, but we do go on dates, and I wouldn't change any vacation for all of the dates we have had over the past 20+ years. They have sometimes helped to build the foundation of our lives.

I will end by saying this- I know of a few people who have no connection with their spouses. They do not go to dinner together, they do not go to entertainment together. They do not really talk, share or understand one another. There is a very hurt spouse in this relationship, and there is one that is completely oblivious. Being oblivious only works when you accidentally found your Christmas present that your kids worked so hard to surprise you with. Being oblivious in your marriage is unacceptable. The good thing is there is still time to repair the hurt in these marriages. There is still time to learn about your spouse, their likes, passions and loves. There is time to get to know them again, or at all. There is time to introduce yourself again. You married them for a reason- what was it? 

Biblical marriage is something we should all strive for, and hiding behind responsibility and routine is not part of it. 

Praying for the marriages of people I know, no matter how they look. Cause you never know. Appreciating prayer for my own, because nobody's perfect!

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