My Tink

This is by far the hardest post I have ever written. I am so heartbroken I cannot even describe how much my soul just aches.

Yesterday, while I was working at my desk my daughter came running into the house to tell me something was wrong with Tinkerbell, my 18 month old St Bernard. I went outside, because she has a habit of getting tangled up in everything, so I figured I was going to untangle her and bring her in for a bit.

I was so wrong. She was having seizures i think, and in between she was falling over. I was out of my mind. My sons and my daughter helped me lug her to the house, where we held her while my oldest got the car. There was just no time. She just kept looking at me, and her breathing finally slowed until she took was one last deep breath and that was it. She died in our arms.

Now I know a lot of people would say she was just a dog, but let me take you back. I turned 34 in Feb of 08- my hubby surprised me with my very first dog of my own- Tinkerbell- at a mere 23 lbs, we knew she would be big, but she was exactly what I wanted. I trained her. She didn't pee in the house much after she was trained. She never jumped on anyone. She liked to get in my bed when John was at work, and she was a great watchdog. She was still a puppy even up to yesterday. I had plans to get her fixed and obedience school in the fall. She was like having another child for me.
So now I sit here and think of all the funny things she did- like when she sits on the furniture like a person....like in the top pic.
When she would run to the neighbors to jump in their pond, then come home and look for John so she could shake off. When my youngest would try to walk her- instead getting drug by her. When Morgan would get the drool from her shaking all over her clothes when she'd come down the stairs. And I keep thinking about her and Lady , our golden retriever, who keeps walking around looking for her. All day today and all night last night.

I feel like I got in to a nightmare and can't wake up.Its all a fog today. And Im missing her big feet terribly.
And her overly drooly face.
And her big tail knocking everything off of everything.
I think after the sleeples night I had last night, id give anything to have Tink back in my house , because her being in the way was a huge blessing for us all.