Sunday, March 1, 2009

For everything there is a reason..

As I sit here pondering on what to write, I realize that in chirch this morning I had all kids of ideas.......then I remembered. I want to make sure my blog reaches people from all walks of life- as sort of a testament that you are not alone in this world. Take Friday for instance- it was my 35th birthday, and I sat at my desk feeling helpless and cried all day. When I say I cried, let me back up- I am a crier- and I know it. Everyone who knows me knows it. I cry when Im sad, when Im happy when I need a release. I cry when Im laughing and when Im sleeping- (true lol) The crazy thing is, sometimes I cry and I dont even know im doing it! Im an emotional BASKET-CASE!!!!! But, that is how God made me, and the problem is Im not sure what I am supposed to do with it! Sometimes I feel like a big baby, and sometimes I feel like I connect with someone through my tears. I know there are people who see me as "unbreakable" and " broad shouldered" Im strong when I have to be, but I am not either of these things. I have feelings, I am human, and I think I have put on this front for so long that I can handle anything, that I am learning a tough lesson now- Im a crybaby. Thats all there is to it. I have literally cried everyday for an entire month. I am flustered about little things, and Im looking for my place in a world I forgot existed. In looking for myself, I found my tears. I know it sounds crazy, but I do not want anyone to misinterpret what I am trying to say. CRY AWAY! I believe my tears are an outlet for some pretty strong emotions that are God-breathed in me. Love, for example. Patience and virtue. Very tiring to try to be everything all the time. But here I sit, and when I am full of emotion, ready to boil over, I trickle sweet salty water right down my face and off my cheek. My husband loves it....sometimes he doesnt even have to look at me. And my kids are now asking is this a good cry or a sad cry? My eyes hurt. But I know someday God will reveal to me the purpose of so many tears. So I continue to wait in expectation. And I guess you could say, upgrade to weeping.

1 comment:

  1. Crying is nothing of which to be ashamed! I cry all the time. I cry when my 3 year-old son says something funny that reminds me of his mother. I cry at commercials. I saw a scene from 6th Sense the other and had to remove myself from the room. HAIL VICTORIOUS CRIERS! - JP