Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Melancholy at Best...

As I spend time this morning reflecting on the day ahead, I keep going back to a few things on my mind. Lets just get them aired out.

I am feeling a little melancholy. I was awakened to a spring thunderstorm this morning, which I was really pleased with. I used to think that was God talking to the flowers- "Wake Up" He says. Thunder has always been a great reminder of His presence for me. 

Today would have been my sweet Grandama's birthday. #98. She was an amazing grandma, and provided me with an awesome dad. Our family hasn't been together since she passed last May. I figured when standing at her funeral that would be the last time we would all be together. Family just isn't important to some anymore. Makes me sad. Last week my dad had a slight issue and had to be hospitalized- harsh reality that I could only count on one  Aunt to check in on him. There really was no family to call. It is somewhat frustrating to me that we are all too busy for one another, that we don't connect, that we don't send cards, have coffee or even facebook for the most part. 

I am also reflecting on all of the realities of being a momma. There was no milk this morning. No bread. However, there was a mess in the kitchen, laundry on the stairs and a big air of "mom you need to do this for me" when the teenagers left this morning. I work people. Maybe not full time, but some time. And I write. And although I love doing things for you, WALK YOUR CLOTHES UP THE STAIRS. CALL ME WHEN THE MILK IS GONE. Noone in this house has broken legs. Just broken brains.  I am thinking of painting a nice, primative sign to hang in the diningroom. It will say "ATTN: we do not have a maid. Thank You". 

I have to be at work at 11, and yet I sit here thinking about Easter dinner, and how much work I have to do before then. It is now 9:38. Hmmm. 

My mind wanders to my friendships and how terrible it feels to walk away from them. I have a sense of guilt that I cannot shake, although I know this is the right decision. And I am worrying over a great time chasm that is growing in another friendship, because we are being pulled in two completely different directions. **SIGH** When I was in high school, I was relieved at graduation because I thought friendship got easier.  WRONG.

And is there something to cook with the roast I set out for dinner tonight? 

I guess all the pressure of this week is building fast, and I am looking for a quiet spot to pray, meditate on the word, reflect on my grandma,(whom I miss dearly), and  make a grocery list.

Not enough time in the day to ramble on, so I will leave you with this one thought:

Nothing is worth doing halfway. So get out there and do whatever you do at your fullest.  No regrets. No turning back. No shame.
Write it, Work it, Speak it, Sing it. Do It.
Pray it.

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