Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Have you ever been placed in a position where you were waiting for something good to happen,because only faith and waiting could make it so? Or maybe you are a "go-getter" and patience is a virtue you havent been lessoned on yet? Or maybe you are tired of "fighting the good fight" because inside you are so messed up you just want to sleep. Because when you sleep God offers you a bit of peace you do not experience when you are awake.
Im there. Beyond the breaking point, with finances, relationships, family, all of it. So where do I begin to re-construct my life, and how do I decide what to keep and what to dispose of? Is there a magical scripture that will point me the way? Being overwhelmed in the heart is really consuming on a mothers soul. It aches 24 hours a day. Wanting what is best, and knowing how to accomplish it- 2 totally different things.
I havent spent enough time in my garden. (my garden is real, where I go to the proverbial one) I need a good solid day, in the dirt, on my hands and knees,to weed things out. To cry or perhaps pray. Or maybe to just listen. What, O Lord , is it that you want for me? I know what you want from me, but I do not know what I am intended to DO. What do I do? I cannot falter - there are people depending on me. Husband, children., parents, friends. How do I know if I am to turn left or right? How do I know if I am to walk or run?
Please Lord. I need some instruction, guidance, help. I need something I can only get from you. Since I was a child, i have felt your hand upon my heart,never knowing quite what to do with it. Now my heart is heavy and burdened.
I need redemption.