What is your perfect standard?
What is the standard for your family?
What is the standard you set for the people you are accountable to?
On Sunday during the sermon, our Minister asked the question "What is Your Perfect Standard?" The things running through my mind were countless, and I barely made it through the service before I was jotting down notes and looking up scriptures. Though the question seems innocent enough, the answers are profound and, as I have learned, can be life changing.
There are many reasons why a persons standard may change- tragedy, family changes, discovery of self...the list can go on and on. The problem with setting a standard is what do you base it on.
When a baseball player is playing baseball he is not only chasing a win for his team, he is also chasing a personal best record and someone who has set a better record before him. He sets his first goal oriented around his team, then his next goals are for himself. When a player leads a team that has a steady winning record, it gives him time to focus on the personal record. Once his team starts winning and has a good streak going, he has the option to use that momentum to focus on the records he pursues, therefore his perfect standard changes.
The baseball example is a good way to show how easily a standard can be changed based on goals and performance in an industry that banks on it. But what about the personal standard of the player? Who is he accountable to in his personal life? Does he have a wife, children, parents? Baseball is his job, so what about his life?
In our family, it took me a long time to make a list of priorities that are tied directly with our standards. Not only the way we work, but the way we shop, spend our money, spend our time and entertain ourselves. With 4 children we have had our share of drama, insecurities, nightmares, injuries and just stuff families our size deal with. Somehow in almost 22 years, we have always been able to bring our focus back to our family. The result of complete analysis of the past 22 years brought me to this conclusion:
our standard was looking completely off base...
Seriously I thought I was doing so good. Apparently that has only been the last five years. The previous 17 were a little willy-nilly at best, however upon further investigation I also discovered among all the chaos that:
We have never been a "keep up with the Jones's" type of family.
We have never been the type of family that did things just because others did.
We have never tried to make others happy, never tried to follow the crowd.
We have always made our own path based on what we knew was right.
It was hard sometimes, 4 kids and never enough of anything. As I looked back through the scrapbooks, albums, boxes and boxes of pictures and all of my partial journals I realized we set our standard without even realizing what we had done.
Christ was our standard.
WHEW!
What a relief. After all, that was always the goal. Only Christ can be the perfect standard, because regardless of who you are and what you have done, He is the only perfection. No baseball record, no job, no amount of education, no amount of money, no relationship and no physical item or experience can top the perfection that Christ brings to my life. There is nothing like having the Holy Spirit guide your every decision. There is nothing like looking forward to a place where there is no illness, no indecision. A place where there is no troubled soul, no weary mommas, no exasperated daddys. There is a place where the perfect standard makes us all perfect, and in the end, isn't that what we strive for?
Re-evaluating your perfect standard from time to time will keep you on course and in balance. It offers opportunity to change the way we think and live, and brings us peace when we get back on track. I am striving for this re evaluation on a regular basis so that I may continue to lead in my personal life myself, family and friends to focus on Christ and the perfect standard that He offers. An exemplary example of how to live and where to go with your life. And in the Bible a neatly packaged set of life guidelines to live by and be an example of.
Scripture Reference:
John 14:6
"Jesus Answered "I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me". "
Phil 2:5
"Your attitude should be that of Christ Jesus. "
Showing posts with label Christ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christ. Show all posts
Monday, April 28, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
What to say when you don't know what to say...
SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPEALIDOCIOUS....
Its what you say when you don't know what to say!
Right?!
When my kids were young, they loved Mary Poppins. I too loved the classic, and learned fast that the nearly three hour movie could quickly turn into a long afternoon nap for all of us if played right after lunch . There are other films my children enjoyed at this critical time of day, but this one was the most requested. Each time I would wonder about that infamous song.
Mary all dressed up after winning an impromptu race that started out as a fox hunt.
The children, Jane and Michael, so excited when she gets an interview.
Bert just smiling and singing along.
And when the rain comes, they pop out of the sidewalk chalk like daisies in the spring, and get on their way home to dry off and get set for bed with a Spoonful of Sugar.
If only it were this easy.
I mean, a spoonful of sugar, really?
(I must interject and agree that the rum-punch flavor Mary indulged in was probably best- not a big fan of cherry flavored cold medicine.)
However, when I am in spot and I don't know what to say, this huge word is enough to make me forget what I was trying to say in the first place. It has saved my tail on more than one occasion, and I am glad to have known it all these years. It does occur to me, however, that I could be using the wrong word.
What?
What did I just admit?
I am using the wrong word?
Oh My.
Let me explain. When I have an argument with my husband (whether he knows we are arguing or not), sometimes I just do not know what to say. I can say what I feel, think or have an opinion of, but that doesn't magically make him agree with me, understand me or keep him from running from the topic at hand.
If there is an issue with a friend, at work or with the kids, I do not always have the right answers. Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious just doesn't always work. Its great for some things, not so great for those most important relationship things. Not so great for those moments that define us and our relationships with others.
Then the only other word I am left with is Jesus. There is a popular Christian song that says:
" When you don't know what to say,
Just say Jesus.
There is power in the name,
The name of Jesus."
-7th Time Down
(you can listen here )
Can you imagine it was here all along?
To call on the most powerful name ever, added bonus- its easy to spell and pronounce.
Simple letters, simple truths.
When you don't know what to say when your husband just doesn't get it- say Jesus.
When you don't know what to say to the friend making a super-bad choice- say Jesus. When you don't know what to say to a distraught child- say Jesus.
When you are feeling a little more than a little lost and confused- Jesus.
When you don't know what to say, just say Jesus.
Praying for saying Jesus when I just don't know what to say.
Its what you say when you don't know what to say!
Right?!
When my kids were young, they loved Mary Poppins. I too loved the classic, and learned fast that the nearly three hour movie could quickly turn into a long afternoon nap for all of us if played right after lunch . There are other films my children enjoyed at this critical time of day, but this one was the most requested. Each time I would wonder about that infamous song.
Mary all dressed up after winning an impromptu race that started out as a fox hunt.
The children, Jane and Michael, so excited when she gets an interview.
Bert just smiling and singing along.
And when the rain comes, they pop out of the sidewalk chalk like daisies in the spring, and get on their way home to dry off and get set for bed with a Spoonful of Sugar.
If only it were this easy.
I mean, a spoonful of sugar, really?
(I must interject and agree that the rum-punch flavor Mary indulged in was probably best- not a big fan of cherry flavored cold medicine.)
However, when I am in spot and I don't know what to say, this huge word is enough to make me forget what I was trying to say in the first place. It has saved my tail on more than one occasion, and I am glad to have known it all these years. It does occur to me, however, that I could be using the wrong word.
What?
What did I just admit?
I am using the wrong word?
Oh My.
Let me explain. When I have an argument with my husband (whether he knows we are arguing or not), sometimes I just do not know what to say. I can say what I feel, think or have an opinion of, but that doesn't magically make him agree with me, understand me or keep him from running from the topic at hand.
If there is an issue with a friend, at work or with the kids, I do not always have the right answers. Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious just doesn't always work. Its great for some things, not so great for those most important relationship things. Not so great for those moments that define us and our relationships with others.
Then the only other word I am left with is Jesus. There is a popular Christian song that says:
" When you don't know what to say,
Just say Jesus.
There is power in the name,
The name of Jesus."
-7th Time Down
(you can listen here )
Can you imagine it was here all along?
To call on the most powerful name ever, added bonus- its easy to spell and pronounce.
Simple letters, simple truths.
When you don't know what to say when your husband just doesn't get it- say Jesus.
When you don't know what to say to the friend making a super-bad choice- say Jesus. When you don't know what to say to a distraught child- say Jesus.
When you are feeling a little more than a little lost and confused- Jesus.
When you don't know what to say, just say Jesus.
Praying for saying Jesus when I just don't know what to say.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
being real
Over the past few weeks I have been thinking a lot about a few subjects close to my heart. One of these issues is how to know when people are being their true self to me, and does that really matter?
The first part of the question is the worst part for me, because I want people to be real with me. I am not oblivious to the fact that people are different in their different environments. When I am supervising a group of kids at a scouting event, I may not be the same as when I am dealing with my own children at home. When a person is working in a professional office they may not act the same as when they are at dinner with their friends. The problem for me is when a person says they are one thing, they believe one thing, and they are living one way, then in their private life there is nothing further from the truth than their claim in front of people. I hate to see people put on a front of lifestyle, yet inside the walls of their own personal life, they are completely the opposite. I know we all sin, and we all fall short- that is to be expected. However, when a man (or woman) gets up in front of our congregation (or other public place) and makes a claim to lifestyle, then I find their lifestyle is not what they would like to me think, I am very disappointed.
There is no room for intentional hypocrisy in this girls world.
I cannot hear a man tell me I shouldn't be a drunkard, then spend his evening in a bar drinking his dinner.
I cannot hear a man tell me I should be a woman of integrity, then lie about his lifestyle to make people think he walks his talk.
I cannot watch someone treat their spouse like they are the center of their universe in front of an audience of peers, then never take them seriously in their passion and conviction at home.
I cannot accept that it is ok for men (or women) to be in a position of influence or leadership without having any amount of humbleness or ability to admit their shortcomings.
Condemnation from someone who has no integrity is a tough act to watch.
Plus I think I have said before that everyone lives in a glass house.
The second part of this pondering of mine is, does it really matter?
For me, it does matter. I want my children to know that integrity is important. Virtue is important. Morals and conviction are important. "Keeping up with the Joneses" is not. Pretending to be something because you are afraid of disappointing someone else- ridiculous. Having a false witness- ludicrous. So tired of that last one.
To me, a false witness includes, but is not limited to, standing on the promises of God for a moment just before you return to the cave of intentional sin you keep hidden so there is no guilt or sense of conscience. Having no guilt or conscience requires lots of excuses, lies and deception. Not only to yourself, but to your spouse, friends, church family and God.
My final thought is simply who do you think you are kidding?
Do you think your spouse doesn't smell the alcohol on your breath, or see you shutting off that pornography? Do you think your friends don't notice the way you treat your spouse on occasion, or your kids don't see your indiscretions? Do you think the people you lead don't notice that you have a different set of rules when you leave the building? Do you think those of us watching you and looking to you for leadership, friendship, fellowship and more don't see your lifestyle choices and shake our heads in disbelief and hurt? Because this girl is really disappointed and I am really hurt by your decision to lie to yourself, much less lying to me.
In conclusion (college writing completely overtook me for a brief moment :) ) I am sometimes surprised at what some of my most trusted peers shock me with. Sometimes I am not even sure what I should be thinking, aside from going back to basics to love people where they are, and with what they are dealing with at that moment. I do not mean to say that every bit of hypocrisy is intentional- I tend to believe hypocrisy is a trap non-Christians want to get Christians into so they can point out their flaws and lack of effort to improve. Non believers just do not understand how far forgiveness goes, and how hard it is to break a lifetime of habitual issues once you make the decision to change. The problem here is, the lack of making that decision. I just want the people I love to live up to the expectation that your commitment to Christ is taken seriously enough to make the decision to make a change, or at the very least admit you need to.
Praying for commitment and change.....
The first part of the question is the worst part for me, because I want people to be real with me. I am not oblivious to the fact that people are different in their different environments. When I am supervising a group of kids at a scouting event, I may not be the same as when I am dealing with my own children at home. When a person is working in a professional office they may not act the same as when they are at dinner with their friends. The problem for me is when a person says they are one thing, they believe one thing, and they are living one way, then in their private life there is nothing further from the truth than their claim in front of people. I hate to see people put on a front of lifestyle, yet inside the walls of their own personal life, they are completely the opposite. I know we all sin, and we all fall short- that is to be expected. However, when a man (or woman) gets up in front of our congregation (or other public place) and makes a claim to lifestyle, then I find their lifestyle is not what they would like to me think, I am very disappointed.
There is no room for intentional hypocrisy in this girls world.
I cannot hear a man tell me I shouldn't be a drunkard, then spend his evening in a bar drinking his dinner.
I cannot hear a man tell me I should be a woman of integrity, then lie about his lifestyle to make people think he walks his talk.
I cannot watch someone treat their spouse like they are the center of their universe in front of an audience of peers, then never take them seriously in their passion and conviction at home.
I cannot accept that it is ok for men (or women) to be in a position of influence or leadership without having any amount of humbleness or ability to admit their shortcomings.
Condemnation from someone who has no integrity is a tough act to watch.
Plus I think I have said before that everyone lives in a glass house.
The second part of this pondering of mine is, does it really matter?
For me, it does matter. I want my children to know that integrity is important. Virtue is important. Morals and conviction are important. "Keeping up with the Joneses" is not. Pretending to be something because you are afraid of disappointing someone else- ridiculous. Having a false witness- ludicrous. So tired of that last one.
To me, a false witness includes, but is not limited to, standing on the promises of God for a moment just before you return to the cave of intentional sin you keep hidden so there is no guilt or sense of conscience. Having no guilt or conscience requires lots of excuses, lies and deception. Not only to yourself, but to your spouse, friends, church family and God.
My final thought is simply who do you think you are kidding?
Do you think your spouse doesn't smell the alcohol on your breath, or see you shutting off that pornography? Do you think your friends don't notice the way you treat your spouse on occasion, or your kids don't see your indiscretions? Do you think the people you lead don't notice that you have a different set of rules when you leave the building? Do you think those of us watching you and looking to you for leadership, friendship, fellowship and more don't see your lifestyle choices and shake our heads in disbelief and hurt? Because this girl is really disappointed and I am really hurt by your decision to lie to yourself, much less lying to me.
In conclusion (college writing completely overtook me for a brief moment :) ) I am sometimes surprised at what some of my most trusted peers shock me with. Sometimes I am not even sure what I should be thinking, aside from going back to basics to love people where they are, and with what they are dealing with at that moment. I do not mean to say that every bit of hypocrisy is intentional- I tend to believe hypocrisy is a trap non-Christians want to get Christians into so they can point out their flaws and lack of effort to improve. Non believers just do not understand how far forgiveness goes, and how hard it is to break a lifetime of habitual issues once you make the decision to change. The problem here is, the lack of making that decision. I just want the people I love to live up to the expectation that your commitment to Christ is taken seriously enough to make the decision to make a change, or at the very least admit you need to.
Praying for commitment and change.....
Sunday, December 8, 2013
you just never know....
This morning as I sat in church, I was struck with a crazy thought:
how many important life changing things are said and people miss out because the people behind them are having a conversation?
I wondered this as the people behind me started a conversation as soon as the sermon began, and it never stopped, even as we sang the last song. I was stunned at the conversation- having nothing to do with the sermon or church for that matter. I caught most of it- how could I not? They were less than 18 inches behind me and whispering had eluded them in the first five minutes. I considered moving to another seat, but I didn't want to embarrass my husband or cause yet another distraction for the speaker.
This was beyond candy wrapper or baby fussing noise- it was unnecessary conversation and the longer it went on, the more annoyed I became. I have very little patience when someone whips me out of worship without my consent. I thought about turning around and asking them to stop talking. I thought about saying something afterward.
But mostly the part that bothers me is what I wasn't thinking- about what the speaker was saying. I missed writing down important scriptures. I missed a joke that was funny enough for my husband to snicker. I almost missed praying at the beginning. And I missed valuable time learning about my savior and his expectations for me as a parent, at a time when I am desperate for someone to tell me what to do with these pseudo-adults and teenagers I call my children.
If anyone has a clue how this feels, I am going to apologize right now. I do not like being distracted. I do not like it when grown adult people fall into the trap of conversing with their grown adult children about their cute grandbaby or after worship plans.
I cannot sit on this and be quiet anymore.
I think it is rude, and I hope I have never done this to anyone, cost them their moment in worship.
I get aggravated when people bring their kids into the service and let them babble the entire time. DOES ANYONE HEAR ME? I need grown- up- quiet- listen to the sermon time, and your kid needs to be in the nursery or classroom appropriate to his/her age. We have wonderful volunteers at our church in the education department. They work very hard to provide an exceptional experience for your children.
We also only ask for your silence for about 30 minutes, (if the sermon is that long)....I think if you want to have a conversation you can wait until its over. Or go to one of those empty rooms and chat it up. Be my guest, really. Just please I am begging you. If you belong to a church, and you have something to say to the person next to you, wait until its over, or step into the hall.
Some of us just want to learn about Jesus, and maybe have waited all week long to hear more. We just cannot afford for you to distract us from our worship time- its too short and too important already. Our eternity could hinge on the very words the day you choose to talk.
Plus did I say it was rude?
I thought so.
You just never know when your actions will be distracting to someone else.
Praying for those who miss out due to those who just don't care.
how many important life changing things are said and people miss out because the people behind them are having a conversation?
I wondered this as the people behind me started a conversation as soon as the sermon began, and it never stopped, even as we sang the last song. I was stunned at the conversation- having nothing to do with the sermon or church for that matter. I caught most of it- how could I not? They were less than 18 inches behind me and whispering had eluded them in the first five minutes. I considered moving to another seat, but I didn't want to embarrass my husband or cause yet another distraction for the speaker.
This was beyond candy wrapper or baby fussing noise- it was unnecessary conversation and the longer it went on, the more annoyed I became. I have very little patience when someone whips me out of worship without my consent. I thought about turning around and asking them to stop talking. I thought about saying something afterward.
But mostly the part that bothers me is what I wasn't thinking- about what the speaker was saying. I missed writing down important scriptures. I missed a joke that was funny enough for my husband to snicker. I almost missed praying at the beginning. And I missed valuable time learning about my savior and his expectations for me as a parent, at a time when I am desperate for someone to tell me what to do with these pseudo-adults and teenagers I call my children.
If anyone has a clue how this feels, I am going to apologize right now. I do not like being distracted. I do not like it when grown adult people fall into the trap of conversing with their grown adult children about their cute grandbaby or after worship plans.
I cannot sit on this and be quiet anymore.
I think it is rude, and I hope I have never done this to anyone, cost them their moment in worship.
I get aggravated when people bring their kids into the service and let them babble the entire time. DOES ANYONE HEAR ME? I need grown- up- quiet- listen to the sermon time, and your kid needs to be in the nursery or classroom appropriate to his/her age. We have wonderful volunteers at our church in the education department. They work very hard to provide an exceptional experience for your children.
We also only ask for your silence for about 30 minutes, (if the sermon is that long)....I think if you want to have a conversation you can wait until its over. Or go to one of those empty rooms and chat it up. Be my guest, really. Just please I am begging you. If you belong to a church, and you have something to say to the person next to you, wait until its over, or step into the hall.
Some of us just want to learn about Jesus, and maybe have waited all week long to hear more. We just cannot afford for you to distract us from our worship time- its too short and too important already. Our eternity could hinge on the very words the day you choose to talk.
Plus did I say it was rude?
I thought so.
You just never know when your actions will be distracting to someone else.
Praying for those who miss out due to those who just don't care.
Friday, December 6, 2013
The best things in life are never free....
The best things in life are rarely free...I can attest to this.
When I had my children, I knew a little piece of me was going to disappear in them, and it was something I would never get back. Raising them has been such a joy, with equal amounts of heart break and aggravation.
When I got married, I gave myself to my husband, never to be an individual again. It was like melting two people into one- we share everything and he is truly my best friend.This relationship leaves no room to be self- absorbed or completely independent. He is really the only human I fully trust- there is no one I confide in, love or want to spend my time with more-(including my closest girlfriends, because even my relationships with them frustrate me somewhat).
I have never been one to mince words, so here we go- people disappoint me. On a huge, grand scale. Yet I keep trying to figure them out.
I love the relationship I have with my husband because we have both worked very hard to build a strong life and marriage together. Our foundation is Christ and that is where we stand, together. I do not feel that way about my other relationships- not my children, not my friends.
My children make decisions I do not agree with on a consistent basis- its a growing thing for them, but a real heart-breaker for me sometimes. My friends are another story altogether. Between obvious bad decisions, unrealistic expectations and half way committing to this friendship, I get really aggravated, and sometimes really hurt. Just because its Christmastime, it doesn't mean there is an exception to this rule. Some would say its part of the human process. I say its selfish ambition, lame excuses and relationship laziness and I am tired and weary of it all.
Let me explain before I get myself into a deep deep hole....Remember when I said my husband and I have a terrific relationship? I did NOT say perfect- I said terrific. Some people think our marriage should be envied- I however think our marriage is like other Christ based relationships- Biblical and passionate. We believe the same things, yet we still argue about them. We love fiercely- yet differently. We work hard- in different industries. Neither of us is perfect- but we are a perfect fit for one another. We work hard at our marriage- harder then any other relationship of the human sense. Its all about the "We".
Not one of my other earthly relationships is like this.
They are mostly based on things we have in common other than Christ- the school we went to, our kids activities, our church or otherwise. When I woke up this morning and realized how shallow those reasons are, it explained a lot of the disappointment and heartache I feel in these relationships sometimes. It scares me to think my closest relationships are based on things that can disappear at a moments notice. There is no spiritual connection. I had at one time decided I shouldn't be part of some of my relationships- they were unhealthy for me, sometimes returning me to a past I am trying hard to forget and move on from. My struggle comes in that decision- do I walk away from a relationship that does not glorify God, or do I fight for it ( sometimes alone) to be the only light my "friend" sees? At what risk to my personal well being?
I have taken a stand on many things in my life- God, my marriage, my children, my family and my church. Re-thinking relationships I have had for years is a tough process. Just like growing, it hurts but I believe it is necessary. At what point do we as Christian women cut the tie with a friend based on its relevancy to our personal walk with Christ? When do we switch from friend to mentor? When do we turn that over to God and let Him decide our path? How do we survive the decision when the friend determines the friendship is over, and where do we go from there? All questions I would love to have the answers to......
Praying for friendships and change.
(disclaimer- I have one truly passionate friend whom I have a true spiritual connection with. She is Christ centered and I love that about her- its the reason we are close.She prays for me and we have deep conversations- I believe she was sent straight to me from God and we have a lot to learn from each other)
When I had my children, I knew a little piece of me was going to disappear in them, and it was something I would never get back. Raising them has been such a joy, with equal amounts of heart break and aggravation.
When I got married, I gave myself to my husband, never to be an individual again. It was like melting two people into one- we share everything and he is truly my best friend.This relationship leaves no room to be self- absorbed or completely independent. He is really the only human I fully trust- there is no one I confide in, love or want to spend my time with more-(including my closest girlfriends, because even my relationships with them frustrate me somewhat).
I have never been one to mince words, so here we go- people disappoint me. On a huge, grand scale. Yet I keep trying to figure them out.
I love the relationship I have with my husband because we have both worked very hard to build a strong life and marriage together. Our foundation is Christ and that is where we stand, together. I do not feel that way about my other relationships- not my children, not my friends.
My children make decisions I do not agree with on a consistent basis- its a growing thing for them, but a real heart-breaker for me sometimes. My friends are another story altogether. Between obvious bad decisions, unrealistic expectations and half way committing to this friendship, I get really aggravated, and sometimes really hurt. Just because its Christmastime, it doesn't mean there is an exception to this rule. Some would say its part of the human process. I say its selfish ambition, lame excuses and relationship laziness and I am tired and weary of it all.
Let me explain before I get myself into a deep deep hole....Remember when I said my husband and I have a terrific relationship? I did NOT say perfect- I said terrific. Some people think our marriage should be envied- I however think our marriage is like other Christ based relationships- Biblical and passionate. We believe the same things, yet we still argue about them. We love fiercely- yet differently. We work hard- in different industries. Neither of us is perfect- but we are a perfect fit for one another. We work hard at our marriage- harder then any other relationship of the human sense. Its all about the "We".
Not one of my other earthly relationships is like this.
They are mostly based on things we have in common other than Christ- the school we went to, our kids activities, our church or otherwise. When I woke up this morning and realized how shallow those reasons are, it explained a lot of the disappointment and heartache I feel in these relationships sometimes. It scares me to think my closest relationships are based on things that can disappear at a moments notice. There is no spiritual connection. I had at one time decided I shouldn't be part of some of my relationships- they were unhealthy for me, sometimes returning me to a past I am trying hard to forget and move on from. My struggle comes in that decision- do I walk away from a relationship that does not glorify God, or do I fight for it ( sometimes alone) to be the only light my "friend" sees? At what risk to my personal well being?
I have taken a stand on many things in my life- God, my marriage, my children, my family and my church. Re-thinking relationships I have had for years is a tough process. Just like growing, it hurts but I believe it is necessary. At what point do we as Christian women cut the tie with a friend based on its relevancy to our personal walk with Christ? When do we switch from friend to mentor? When do we turn that over to God and let Him decide our path? How do we survive the decision when the friend determines the friendship is over, and where do we go from there? All questions I would love to have the answers to......
Praying for friendships and change.
(disclaimer- I have one truly passionate friend whom I have a true spiritual connection with. She is Christ centered and I love that about her- its the reason we are close.She prays for me and we have deep conversations- I believe she was sent straight to me from God and we have a lot to learn from each other)
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
My Thanksgiving
My favorite part of Thanksgiving is......
The Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I think we completely overlook the act being thankful in our everyday lives...however, this week, Thanksgiving is at the forefront of our minds. Sure, there is turkey and all of the trimmings. Traditionally I purchase poinsettias this week to keep for the holidays. We divide the tasks for the big dinner between myself, my momma and my sister in law. We eat, shop and laugh the entire weekend. The guys go hunting for pheasant, and spend time together bonding in the great outdoors with a bunch of dogs who run amuck like the kids...then on Monday- back to reality .
Reality
Now that is something worth discussing.
Why is it that our reality doesn't include being thankful everyday for every moment? When we are young, we are taught please and thank you. We learn to write thank-you notes for graduations and weddings. But what is being thankful really about?
The word I like for giving thanks is eucharisteo. It means to give thanks. When considering that every moment of every day is a gift from God, shouldn't thankfulness be a part of our everyday, like prayer and showering? Maybe thankfulness is just hard for some, because of their circumstances or life situation.
As for me, I will continue to give thanks for every single thing. God never gets tired of hearing from his children, and I never get tired of thanking Him. This holiday weekend, lets start a new tradition- of giving thanks every day for every thing.
The Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I think we completely overlook the act being thankful in our everyday lives...however, this week, Thanksgiving is at the forefront of our minds. Sure, there is turkey and all of the trimmings. Traditionally I purchase poinsettias this week to keep for the holidays. We divide the tasks for the big dinner between myself, my momma and my sister in law. We eat, shop and laugh the entire weekend. The guys go hunting for pheasant, and spend time together bonding in the great outdoors with a bunch of dogs who run amuck like the kids...then on Monday- back to reality .
Reality
Now that is something worth discussing.
Why is it that our reality doesn't include being thankful everyday for every moment? When we are young, we are taught please and thank you. We learn to write thank-you notes for graduations and weddings. But what is being thankful really about?
The word I like for giving thanks is eucharisteo. It means to give thanks. When considering that every moment of every day is a gift from God, shouldn't thankfulness be a part of our everyday, like prayer and showering? Maybe thankfulness is just hard for some, because of their circumstances or life situation.
As for me, I will continue to give thanks for every single thing. God never gets tired of hearing from his children, and I never get tired of thanking Him. This holiday weekend, lets start a new tradition- of giving thanks every day for every thing.
Praying a prayer of thanksgiving for those who deserve it...
and for those who think they don't.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Forgiveness isn't easy, but it's necesssary.
Forgiving someone for a single infraction is a far easier task than forgiving someone for repeated issues. I should know. I have had a person in my life for over 20 years who is constantly and consistently hurting the people I love. I have been hurt by this person too, however, I am far more forgiving ( and forgetting) when it only involves myself. If I want to be realistic- I am just too busy to hold a grudge, retaliate, or actually take time to tackle the issue, whatever it may be.
When trying to deal with a difficult person, it is important to try to understand where their difficulty arises from. Why is it that seemingly good people change ( sometimes rather quickly) and become hurtful, spiteful and sometimes just rude? Has there been a tragedy, a situation or a life changing experience that has left a negative imprint on their heart? Is it the influence of a new friend or significant other? Maybe a medical issue or scare has the person totally frazzled, enough to put up a defense mechanism that turns into an offense.
I have, in recent years, tried to have a different perspective when it comes to people who make my life more bitter than sweet. I try to look for a reason for the issue at hand. Sometimes I get lucky and I can figure out the culprit very quickly. Sometimes I feel like I may go my entire life and never know the real reason why someone has so much hate in them that they would want to see the hurt on their loved ones faces after something they have said, posted online or otherwise. It frustrates me sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Worrying about it is another story entirely.
Worrying about my family and the hurt they have endured this year has been a lot for me to digest. Especially when I am fully aware there is not one thing I can do to fix this problem for any of us.
Then I remember that forgiveness is not optional, its mandatory.
Not only for the person I'm forgiving, but for my own personal life. Forgiving someone when they do something absurd is the only way to have closure on issues that befuddle me. By offering forgiveness to someone, I offer them Grace that they have never imagined. It doesn't take the anger, frustration or heartache away right away- those things take time. But it does provide me with closure and peace that I have done the right thing when others aren't willing to. And it provides my family an example of how to effectively deal with the issue of forgiveness when it seems someone doesn't deserve it at all.
We all feel like that sometimes, but we have to remember- we only get to live our life one time on this earth-we should do our very best to leave a legacy of forgiveness and compassion that others may never know.
Praying for those who consistently are a thorn, that they may be blessed with a rose.
When trying to deal with a difficult person, it is important to try to understand where their difficulty arises from. Why is it that seemingly good people change ( sometimes rather quickly) and become hurtful, spiteful and sometimes just rude? Has there been a tragedy, a situation or a life changing experience that has left a negative imprint on their heart? Is it the influence of a new friend or significant other? Maybe a medical issue or scare has the person totally frazzled, enough to put up a defense mechanism that turns into an offense.
I have, in recent years, tried to have a different perspective when it comes to people who make my life more bitter than sweet. I try to look for a reason for the issue at hand. Sometimes I get lucky and I can figure out the culprit very quickly. Sometimes I feel like I may go my entire life and never know the real reason why someone has so much hate in them that they would want to see the hurt on their loved ones faces after something they have said, posted online or otherwise. It frustrates me sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Worrying about it is another story entirely.
Worrying about my family and the hurt they have endured this year has been a lot for me to digest. Especially when I am fully aware there is not one thing I can do to fix this problem for any of us.
Then I remember that forgiveness is not optional, its mandatory.
Not only for the person I'm forgiving, but for my own personal life. Forgiving someone when they do something absurd is the only way to have closure on issues that befuddle me. By offering forgiveness to someone, I offer them Grace that they have never imagined. It doesn't take the anger, frustration or heartache away right away- those things take time. But it does provide me with closure and peace that I have done the right thing when others aren't willing to. And it provides my family an example of how to effectively deal with the issue of forgiveness when it seems someone doesn't deserve it at all.
We all feel like that sometimes, but we have to remember- we only get to live our life one time on this earth-we should do our very best to leave a legacy of forgiveness and compassion that others may never know.
Praying for those who consistently are a thorn, that they may be blessed with a rose.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Still all True...:)
Over the past few weeks, I have been doing a lot of reflecting.
Lets face it, there has been a lot to reflect about.
The Two oldest children got married.
The youngest one entered High School.
The third one got his drivers license.
The granddaughter said "Mimi".
There has been an overload of in laws.
I got laid off.
Things have been pretty stressful.
So, when things are like this, I reflect. Sometimes until I want to scream. I ask crazy questions, and then try to answer them. Some weird things have happened too, and they send me over the edge, so to speak. Like screaming all the way down. (I'm still waiting to hit the bottom)
This is what I have come up with.
1- When "good" friends moved away, I found out how good of friends they really were. Like when they came back to town frequently and I don't even know it.(thank you social media) Then I run into them and they act shocked and hurt that they didn't know my children were getting married that weekend. (among other personal life things close friends would have a clue about if they were indeed as close as they made themselves out to be.)
2-There are some relationships I've worry about my entire married life, then I realized in one clarifying moment that I just do not care anymore. My marriage, my relationships with my husband, my children, my parents, my family, should not matter to other people. ( And their opinion of me should not impact their relationships with my husband and children either.)
3-I am maybe not meant to work a full time job with great income and great co-workers. I have applied everywhere. My degree is a piece of paper that cost me a lot of money, that looks pretty on my wall.(personally would like to throw darts at it)
4-People in my direct circle do not take me seriously when it comes to my expertise. Therefore, they consult other people with my expertise because those people are more likely to know the facts and I am not. (P.S. I know a few things, but I guess I will keep them to myself)
5-My walk with Christ is personal and sometimes when I sing, pray or worship I get full and I cry...That is just how I am wired. I am not the same person I was before my spiritual revolution, and some people do not know the new me. Sometimes people make assumptions based on things they have heard, instead of things they have found to be true for themselves. It makes me sad, because these very people should know better. And if they do not know better, then they do not trust in the word of God to be true. Redemption is real. Forgiveness is real. Change is real. I know, I have experienced them all.
Should I feel so frustrated for so many reasons? I think so. I am human after all. It gives me something to pray about, learn about, study. Provides me a place to grow. I like growing. It hurts, but its good.
I find in my reflecting, I am letting things go. Letting people go, and their judgement and false perceptions of me.
I do not need "friends" who are fair-weather- I need commitment.
I need prayerful friends who have a common goal- heaven.
I need in-laws who love and respect my husband in spite of his wife.
I need someone to take a chance on me and give me a job I can be worthy of.
I need people I trust to trust me with my expertise.
I need for the people who judge me to feel accountable for their own shortcomings first and understand I am redeemed by Christ- I'm not looking for redemption by any man.
Praying my attitude improves, and my reflections on all of these things is helpful for the future.
Lets face it, there has been a lot to reflect about.
The Two oldest children got married.
The youngest one entered High School.
The third one got his drivers license.
The granddaughter said "Mimi".
There has been an overload of in laws.
I got laid off.
Things have been pretty stressful.
So, when things are like this, I reflect. Sometimes until I want to scream. I ask crazy questions, and then try to answer them. Some weird things have happened too, and they send me over the edge, so to speak. Like screaming all the way down. (I'm still waiting to hit the bottom)
This is what I have come up with.
1- When "good" friends moved away, I found out how good of friends they really were. Like when they came back to town frequently and I don't even know it.(thank you social media) Then I run into them and they act shocked and hurt that they didn't know my children were getting married that weekend. (among other personal life things close friends would have a clue about if they were indeed as close as they made themselves out to be.)
2-There are some relationships I've worry about my entire married life, then I realized in one clarifying moment that I just do not care anymore. My marriage, my relationships with my husband, my children, my parents, my family, should not matter to other people. ( And their opinion of me should not impact their relationships with my husband and children either.)
3-I am maybe not meant to work a full time job with great income and great co-workers. I have applied everywhere. My degree is a piece of paper that cost me a lot of money, that looks pretty on my wall.(personally would like to throw darts at it)
4-People in my direct circle do not take me seriously when it comes to my expertise. Therefore, they consult other people with my expertise because those people are more likely to know the facts and I am not. (P.S. I know a few things, but I guess I will keep them to myself)
5-My walk with Christ is personal and sometimes when I sing, pray or worship I get full and I cry...That is just how I am wired. I am not the same person I was before my spiritual revolution, and some people do not know the new me. Sometimes people make assumptions based on things they have heard, instead of things they have found to be true for themselves. It makes me sad, because these very people should know better. And if they do not know better, then they do not trust in the word of God to be true. Redemption is real. Forgiveness is real. Change is real. I know, I have experienced them all.
Should I feel so frustrated for so many reasons? I think so. I am human after all. It gives me something to pray about, learn about, study. Provides me a place to grow. I like growing. It hurts, but its good.
I find in my reflecting, I am letting things go. Letting people go, and their judgement and false perceptions of me.
I do not need "friends" who are fair-weather- I need commitment.
I need prayerful friends who have a common goal- heaven.
I need in-laws who love and respect my husband in spite of his wife.
I need someone to take a chance on me and give me a job I can be worthy of.
I need people I trust to trust me with my expertise.
I need for the people who judge me to feel accountable for their own shortcomings first and understand I am redeemed by Christ- I'm not looking for redemption by any man.
Praying my attitude improves, and my reflections on all of these things is helpful for the future.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Grace as a gift
This past weekend, I spent 24 hours with a group of ladies from my church at the Cafe Chocolat retreat. It was more eye opening than I could have imagined. I learned I can pray in front of other people, outside of my care group. I learned that grace is for everyone: your friends, yourself, your enemies. I also learned that not everyone who comes to a retreat is looking for what you have to offer, and some are just there as part of the routine of Christianity.
(something to do because you should do it, not because your heart is in it)
That last part really truly frustrates me. I mean, to the core. I am in a "weird" spiritual place right now- have been for months, and I cannot see complacency having a place in my walk with Christ. I am a huge procrastinator-(have had an unmatched sock basket for 21 years), so for me to make a statement about complacency is a big deal in my world. It actually hurts my soul to see women with so much to give, just sit like blobs and soak up nothing! Not just at a weekend retreat, but at any point in their life. Do they not realize their families are depending on them? Do they not understand their girlfriends may need their compassion, love and Christ centered attitude to help make difficult decisions? And why do they not understand that Christ wants nothing more from them- except themselves? I think its because no one has ever told them how important they are to their church,their family, their God. This makes me so sad, because it is true, every word.
I was very much the girl with blinders on. I was the one going through the motions of being a "christian woman". Sunday church, care groups off and on, VBS leader, and so on and so forth. I was her. For a long time. I was unattached to Christ, unattached to my church home and unattached to myself. I was one of these women, and I think that is why I see it so clearly now.
As disappointed as I am that some women came and left without soaking anything up- and it was GOOD, the soaking, I am also refreshed with optimism that if I can come through to the other side of wonderful, then anyone can. Its not a place of trouble and carefree living, with no stress, no issues, no troubles. Oh, believe me, there are troubles. But there is Hope. There is Hope in Grace that Christ provides. He showed it very clearly to his friends in his compassion, he showed it to his enemies when he healed the ear of Malchus, and he showed it to us when he chose to die a brutal death on the cross so we can be free spirits forever. What more can a girl ask for really?
Grace is something we must choose to give and receive. We must choose it to use it, and I am loving it. Lets face it, people are annoying, hateful, even crazy. But we can be grateful that those people have a real chance at redemption, because that is what grace is for. And so, therefore do we.
Praying for receptive grace and for giving grace this week.
(something to do because you should do it, not because your heart is in it)
That last part really truly frustrates me. I mean, to the core. I am in a "weird" spiritual place right now- have been for months, and I cannot see complacency having a place in my walk with Christ. I am a huge procrastinator-(have had an unmatched sock basket for 21 years), so for me to make a statement about complacency is a big deal in my world. It actually hurts my soul to see women with so much to give, just sit like blobs and soak up nothing! Not just at a weekend retreat, but at any point in their life. Do they not realize their families are depending on them? Do they not understand their girlfriends may need their compassion, love and Christ centered attitude to help make difficult decisions? And why do they not understand that Christ wants nothing more from them- except themselves? I think its because no one has ever told them how important they are to their church,their family, their God. This makes me so sad, because it is true, every word.
I was very much the girl with blinders on. I was the one going through the motions of being a "christian woman". Sunday church, care groups off and on, VBS leader, and so on and so forth. I was her. For a long time. I was unattached to Christ, unattached to my church home and unattached to myself. I was one of these women, and I think that is why I see it so clearly now.
As disappointed as I am that some women came and left without soaking anything up- and it was GOOD, the soaking, I am also refreshed with optimism that if I can come through to the other side of wonderful, then anyone can. Its not a place of trouble and carefree living, with no stress, no issues, no troubles. Oh, believe me, there are troubles. But there is Hope. There is Hope in Grace that Christ provides. He showed it very clearly to his friends in his compassion, he showed it to his enemies when he healed the ear of Malchus, and he showed it to us when he chose to die a brutal death on the cross so we can be free spirits forever. What more can a girl ask for really?
Grace is something we must choose to give and receive. We must choose it to use it, and I am loving it. Lets face it, people are annoying, hateful, even crazy. But we can be grateful that those people have a real chance at redemption, because that is what grace is for. And so, therefore do we.
Praying for receptive grace and for giving grace this week.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Feeling Overwhelmed?!
On Sunday, Lots of people told me how great my hair looks. I wore a ponytail for 309 days in a row, and I think most of them were just breathing a sigh of relief that I had a new look. Truthfully, I am overwhelmed and sometimes a big change makes me feel better. Plus, I wanted different hair for the second wedding in our family in 30 days....so I whacked it all off. 8 inches. Gone. No more ponytail-it isn't long enough.
Yes, I said second wedding within 30 days. Both of them for my children. My son and his beautiful fiance were married on September 21, and my daughter and her fiance are getting married this Saturday.
Ask me about being overwhelmed.
In the middle of the daily chaos that makes up our family and our lives, I also got laid off, my husband lost 60 hours of work in a single month and I am working on planning a women's retreat for our church with a group of women.
I have always been really good at saying yes to people I care about. I know being a yes girl has landed me in a world of trouble with time-management and such, but it feels so good to do something for others. Until this week.
The hair was agood sign, and my husband caught on right away. The first thing he said to me was " after all this is over, we need to plan a weekend get away trip for ourselves". No kidding. Then he complemented me on my haircut.
I know feeling overwhelmed is something we all deal with at some point- self inflicted or thrown on us by someone else, it can be a huge issue in our relationships and in our daily routine. The first thing I do when I feel that icky feeling running up my spine and into my head is to stop. I stop moving, thinking, even breathing. I stop and I pray. Anxiety is nothing to mess with, and there is nothing in the world that can bring down the house faster than an over-anxious momma stuck in a moment of uh-oh. I just say this simple prayer- "Father, I need you to lead. Lead my heart, my soul and my mind. I need you to calm my nerves, and give me clear thinking. Thank You Father. Amen". Mostly this is a prayer that I say from the inside of my head, then I wait for the calm to happen- and it always happens. (And it is weird at first- actually made me a little angry that it was so easy for God to do it, but so hard for me to ask).
Oh but once I ask- things seem clearer, and to happen in the way they should. And typically when momma stops moving, breathing and thinking, people notice and it gets pretty quiet. Mostly issues resolve themselves, or disappear altogether. God does work in mysterious ways, and this one really baffles and impresses me every time.
The hardest part of this process is remembering in the moment to stop and pray. But once you start doing it- your overwhelmed feelings can be turned into motivation for accomplishing what seems impossible at the time- through Christ who gives you strength.
Today as I count down to wedding #2,
I pray for overwhelmed mommas and their overwhelmed moments.
Yes, I said second wedding within 30 days. Both of them for my children. My son and his beautiful fiance were married on September 21, and my daughter and her fiance are getting married this Saturday.
Ask me about being overwhelmed.
In the middle of the daily chaos that makes up our family and our lives, I also got laid off, my husband lost 60 hours of work in a single month and I am working on planning a women's retreat for our church with a group of women.
I have always been really good at saying yes to people I care about. I know being a yes girl has landed me in a world of trouble with time-management and such, but it feels so good to do something for others. Until this week.
The hair was a
I know feeling overwhelmed is something we all deal with at some point- self inflicted or thrown on us by someone else, it can be a huge issue in our relationships and in our daily routine. The first thing I do when I feel that icky feeling running up my spine and into my head is to stop. I stop moving, thinking, even breathing. I stop and I pray. Anxiety is nothing to mess with, and there is nothing in the world that can bring down the house faster than an over-anxious momma stuck in a moment of uh-oh. I just say this simple prayer- "Father, I need you to lead. Lead my heart, my soul and my mind. I need you to calm my nerves, and give me clear thinking. Thank You Father. Amen". Mostly this is a prayer that I say from the inside of my head, then I wait for the calm to happen- and it always happens. (And it is weird at first- actually made me a little angry that it was so easy for God to do it, but so hard for me to ask).
Oh but once I ask- things seem clearer, and to happen in the way they should. And typically when momma stops moving, breathing and thinking, people notice and it gets pretty quiet. Mostly issues resolve themselves, or disappear altogether. God does work in mysterious ways, and this one really baffles and impresses me every time.
The hardest part of this process is remembering in the moment to stop and pray. But once you start doing it- your overwhelmed feelings can be turned into motivation for accomplishing what seems impossible at the time- through Christ who gives you strength.
Today as I count down to wedding #2,
I pray for overwhelmed mommas and their overwhelmed moments.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Im not that girl anymore...WHEW
Ten years ago I came completely unhinged when people did stupid human things that humans do. I remember seeing someone cringe once when I came into the school to pick up my boys after they rolled off the bus in a fist-fight.
Brothers.
In a fist -fight.
With each other.
I was one really out of control momma. I am pretty sure that was my breaking point with myself. Then came my breaking point with everything else. I am not sure what exactly happened, and I am sure I don't want to remember. I just know that I had met my limit with people, things and stuff in general.
Then in one of my little cleaning rages ( I tend to do that when I get angry or frustrated), I found a note card with a scripture on it. "Be still" it said. "KNOW that I am GOD". I remember writing that on the card some years before when I was trying to be super-scripture girl-wanting to know the words, but truly never admitting that I didn't understand them at all.
Be still.
Be still.
Be still.
Those words haunted me for days, as I tried to "get back into a routine" with the cleaning, mothering and wife-ing , (is that a word?) . I just kept coming back to them. BE STILL screamed at me from every dirty sock, dirty dish and dirty floor. Never was our house in such great shape. CLEAN house, dirty soul. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating. I accidentally went four days without caffeine....and during that headache I let the everything that was inside me, holding me prisoner to myself, out. I cried. I scrubbed. I cried. Then finally, I collapsed onto my bed and prayed.
WHAT?
Prayed?
Seriously, am I so dense that I had to collapse on my bed in hysterics to PRAY?! I really understood the straw that broke the camels back theory. and I never want to go there again. Growing hurts! I was very hurt. My heart ached for something that not even my husband could fill. My body hurt from all the scrubbing. My head hurt from over-thinking everything.
Prayer hurt too. Something totally unexpected. And new- not in the warm fuzzy way. I was really quiet for a few weeks. Then I decided I liked me that way. Was the entire lesson for me to just shut up and listen for once? Because I really still don't know what I am listening for.
What I do know is this:
-God speaks in some loud ways, and some quiet ways.
-Prayer and meditation have changed me.
-I have everything I need, provided to me by the Father.
-I'm thankful I'm not that girl anymore.
Not being her doesn't mean perfection. And I have learned it doesn't mean other people have forgotten her. She is still very alive for some, and for some that is who I will always be. (That's quite unfortunate since I have changed so much and have so much more to offer than others may think.) I will not go into the many many things I have left behind with the girl I used to be. Lets just say I am very careful to continue on the path God has laid before me, using discernment, prayer, meditation, fellowship and compassion. Everything I make a decision about must be Biblically founded in this new journey of mine. How I discipline my children, love my husband and where my loyalty lies. I worship a God who has undeniable power to change a life going nowhere good into something wonderful and inspiring to others. I worship a God who asks only that I love Him first and put everything about being human last. And when others aren't ok with that, it is OK. Because I am.
From the perspective of someone who knows- If you have been judging someone from their past actions, behaviors or where they come from- remember- our God is compassionate, forgiving and loving. People are human and able to change. I did. And those who see my change recognize that God has moved in me, as He moves in others. Be careful not to fall into the trap of judgement, assumptions and grudges. Its not a place to live. And forgiveness and redemption are meant to be for everyone.
Praying for those unjustly accused and for their accusers- there are two sides to every story, and everyone should live as if they reside in a glass house.
Brothers.
In a fist -fight.
With each other.
I was one really out of control momma. I am pretty sure that was my breaking point with myself. Then came my breaking point with everything else. I am not sure what exactly happened, and I am sure I don't want to remember. I just know that I had met my limit with people, things and stuff in general.
Then in one of my little cleaning rages ( I tend to do that when I get angry or frustrated), I found a note card with a scripture on it. "Be still" it said. "KNOW that I am GOD". I remember writing that on the card some years before when I was trying to be super-scripture girl-wanting to know the words, but truly never admitting that I didn't understand them at all.
Be still.
Be still.
Be still.
Those words haunted me for days, as I tried to "get back into a routine" with the cleaning, mothering and wife-ing , (is that a word?) . I just kept coming back to them. BE STILL screamed at me from every dirty sock, dirty dish and dirty floor. Never was our house in such great shape. CLEAN house, dirty soul. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating. I accidentally went four days without caffeine....and during that headache I let the everything that was inside me, holding me prisoner to myself, out. I cried. I scrubbed. I cried. Then finally, I collapsed onto my bed and prayed.
WHAT?
Prayed?
Seriously, am I so dense that I had to collapse on my bed in hysterics to PRAY?! I really understood the straw that broke the camels back theory. and I never want to go there again. Growing hurts! I was very hurt. My heart ached for something that not even my husband could fill. My body hurt from all the scrubbing. My head hurt from over-thinking everything.
Prayer hurt too. Something totally unexpected. And new- not in the warm fuzzy way. I was really quiet for a few weeks. Then I decided I liked me that way. Was the entire lesson for me to just shut up and listen for once? Because I really still don't know what I am listening for.
What I do know is this:
-God speaks in some loud ways, and some quiet ways.
-Prayer and meditation have changed me.
-I have everything I need, provided to me by the Father.
-I'm thankful I'm not that girl anymore.
Not being her doesn't mean perfection. And I have learned it doesn't mean other people have forgotten her. She is still very alive for some, and for some that is who I will always be. (That's quite unfortunate since I have changed so much and have so much more to offer than others may think.) I will not go into the many many things I have left behind with the girl I used to be. Lets just say I am very careful to continue on the path God has laid before me, using discernment, prayer, meditation, fellowship and compassion. Everything I make a decision about must be Biblically founded in this new journey of mine. How I discipline my children, love my husband and where my loyalty lies. I worship a God who has undeniable power to change a life going nowhere good into something wonderful and inspiring to others. I worship a God who asks only that I love Him first and put everything about being human last. And when others aren't ok with that, it is OK. Because I am.
From the perspective of someone who knows- If you have been judging someone from their past actions, behaviors or where they come from- remember- our God is compassionate, forgiving and loving. People are human and able to change. I did. And those who see my change recognize that God has moved in me, as He moves in others. Be careful not to fall into the trap of judgement, assumptions and grudges. Its not a place to live. And forgiveness and redemption are meant to be for everyone.
Praying for those unjustly accused and for their accusers- there are two sides to every story, and everyone should live as if they reside in a glass house.
Friday, August 23, 2013
This has been too much
The grief that overwhelms me is just to much.
The anxiety that overwhelms me is just too much.
The fierceness of the love I feel for my children is just too much.
Yet through grief, anxiety, fierce love, I have an opportunity to grow.
Growing hurts this girl.
My last few weeks have been rough to say the least.
Planning weddings, grieving a loss, working like a dog and watching my family hold on during a crisis has made it a very full time.
It's hard enough when it's just my personal struggle I have to deal with. But watching my children struggle is tougher than anything. And hearing a co- worker compare her thoughts about her children to that of the way a child forgets his kitten when it grows up is heartbreaking. My children mean the world to me. Aside from my God and my husband, they are everything. So the struggle continues. My heart continues to break, not for myself this time, but for my co-worker who doesn't see the light.
I do not compare myself to Job- only thank God everyday
For the time I have with those I love , and for the ability To love them in the best way I know how.
I'm a child, wife, mother.
And I am very grateful.
Praying for broken hearts and sour souls.
The anxiety that overwhelms me is just too much.
The fierceness of the love I feel for my children is just too much.
Yet through grief, anxiety, fierce love, I have an opportunity to grow.
Growing hurts this girl.
My last few weeks have been rough to say the least.
Planning weddings, grieving a loss, working like a dog and watching my family hold on during a crisis has made it a very full time.
It's hard enough when it's just my personal struggle I have to deal with. But watching my children struggle is tougher than anything. And hearing a co- worker compare her thoughts about her children to that of the way a child forgets his kitten when it grows up is heartbreaking. My children mean the world to me. Aside from my God and my husband, they are everything. So the struggle continues. My heart continues to break, not for myself this time, but for my co-worker who doesn't see the light.
I do not compare myself to Job- only thank God everyday
For the time I have with those I love , and for the ability To love them in the best way I know how.
I'm a child, wife, mother.
And I am very grateful.
Praying for broken hearts and sour souls.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Call me Mrs. Cranky Pants
Hello.
I am Mrs Cranky Pants today...
Nice to meet you.
This is just a little taste of how I am feeling this week. I know I am a cranky pants. I have been avoiding the general population like they all have leprosy. I am not responding to texts, emails or phone calls. I am not indulging myself with amazing conversations with my husband or my girlfriends. I just do not care.
My head is in a place my heart dares not to go- ever. The self-doubting, depressed, can't- find- a- thing- to- wear, never- have- enough- money, just- really- want- this- cycle- of- emotion- to- end place. The place where I am screaming and screaming on the inside, and then after I am exhausted, I realize no one is listening.
I'm pretty sure God himself may want earplugs.
I am so seriously overcooked this week.
I have overdone it trying to be the best wife, mother, employee and friend. I have over obligated my heart and soul to things of this earth that I know I cannot keep up with. I haven't been meditating. I haven't been reading. I haven't been praying the way I normally pray.
Going through the motions.
I have been sleeping half the night, having nightmares the other half. I have been doing half the laundry, half the dishes and forgetting to fill up the gas tank before I leave town for work.
I miss my husband, and I guess I need a vacation.
In Psalm 5:3, it says: "In the morning oh Lord, you hear my voice, In the morning I lay my request before you and wait in expectation."
This verse has been a life saver for me for quite some time. In the morning I love to get up early and sit with a cup of coffee while I contemplate solving the worlds greatest mysteries and pray to God about all of the things I pray about. I love to wash the dishes- the old fashioned way- and watch the morning come alive out of the kitchen window. I love to hear the first foot steps of whomever has awakened after me, and to hear the excitement of the dogs when they realize its time to get up. The morning provides so many fresh moments, that I hate to miss them because I am a cranky-pants.
My guess is if Jesus needed to refresh himself with times of prayer, fasting and meditation, then I probably should be following suite. I am also sure Jesus wouldn't blame himself for other peoples mistakes or antics, arriving at the conclusion that everything everyone says or does is not within my control, and even though I know it is hurtful, it is not my problem to fix. ( he even said "they know not what they do") I can only ask WWJD, and once that question is answered, figure out for myself what I need to focus on.
Then maybe this extended stay of Mrs. Cranky Pants will come to a refreshing end.
Before I am forced to live in the barn with the chickens because of my bad attitude and distressed disposition.
PRAYING for MYSELF and all of the other MRS CRANKY PANTS out there this week.
I am Mrs Cranky Pants today...
Nice to meet you.
This is just a little taste of how I am feeling this week. I know I am a cranky pants. I have been avoiding the general population like they all have leprosy. I am not responding to texts, emails or phone calls. I am not indulging myself with amazing conversations with my husband or my girlfriends. I just do not care.
My head is in a place my heart dares not to go- ever. The self-doubting, depressed, can't- find- a- thing- to- wear, never- have- enough- money, just- really- want- this- cycle- of- emotion- to- end place. The place where I am screaming and screaming on the inside, and then after I am exhausted, I realize no one is listening.
I'm pretty sure God himself may want earplugs.
I am so seriously overcooked this week.
I have overdone it trying to be the best wife, mother, employee and friend. I have over obligated my heart and soul to things of this earth that I know I cannot keep up with. I haven't been meditating. I haven't been reading. I haven't been praying the way I normally pray.
Going through the motions.
I have been sleeping half the night, having nightmares the other half. I have been doing half the laundry, half the dishes and forgetting to fill up the gas tank before I leave town for work.
I miss my husband, and I guess I need a vacation.
In Psalm 5:3, it says: "In the morning oh Lord, you hear my voice, In the morning I lay my request before you and wait in expectation."
This verse has been a life saver for me for quite some time. In the morning I love to get up early and sit with a cup of coffee while I contemplate solving the worlds greatest mysteries and pray to God about all of the things I pray about. I love to wash the dishes- the old fashioned way- and watch the morning come alive out of the kitchen window. I love to hear the first foot steps of whomever has awakened after me, and to hear the excitement of the dogs when they realize its time to get up. The morning provides so many fresh moments, that I hate to miss them because I am a cranky-pants.
My guess is if Jesus needed to refresh himself with times of prayer, fasting and meditation, then I probably should be following suite. I am also sure Jesus wouldn't blame himself for other peoples mistakes or antics, arriving at the conclusion that everything everyone says or does is not within my control, and even though I know it is hurtful, it is not my problem to fix. ( he even said "they know not what they do") I can only ask WWJD, and once that question is answered, figure out for myself what I need to focus on.
Then maybe this extended stay of Mrs. Cranky Pants will come to a refreshing end.
Before I am forced to live in the barn with the chickens because of my bad attitude and distressed disposition.
PRAYING for MYSELF and all of the other MRS CRANKY PANTS out there this week.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Wonder Woman
I am a self proclaimed Wonder-Woman.
Let me explain before you go looking for my bustier and arm bands....
I have never had a group of women I felt connected to. I have always had a friend here, a pal there. Acquaintences from the kids friends and women from work, but never really a true group of women that had emotion like I do, that loved their families fiercely like I do or that hurt quietly like I do.
Until now.
Let me introduce you to a true inner circle...
The first woman I will tell you about has a great job- but secretly wants to be at home in her pj's every moment, exploring with her kids and watching her husband play like he is a farmer. She has to make critical decisions at work everyday,then comes home to a housefull of errands, practices and produce, all needing to be tended to. Yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
Another woman is a WHIZ at the sewing machine- makes more quilts than I have ever seen and has a way of figuring things out that is to amazing- she makes it all look trivial. She has a hubby and 3 college kids, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
Another woman has a most difficult job- she speaks to those who have financial issues all day long. Her adult children live in two parts of the country and she takes care of her own house and life, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
One other woman has younger children, depending on her husband to cover her when she needs an escape. He is busy too, with a full time job and a family, and she takes care of their farm and holds the fort down, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
then there is me....I have such a mess of things going on, I decided I needed this or therapy. Turns out its the best therapy I could get. I live in one type of zoo and work in another. Yet, I still have made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because I am searching for something more...
Full of prayer, praise and study. We are the most unlikely group of women to come together- funny how God works like that. No time for house talk, no time for complaining. Just pure studying about ourselves and what parts of us God uses to make our world go round... Focusing on a book about being "unglued". Sticky topic for us all.
By accidentally ministering to one of us, then that one ministering to another, a common thread was born. A thread of wanting Grace, Redemption, Change...a thread of wanting to change our families legacies, or their relationships with each of us. A thread spinning into a fabric that shows no matter the person, we are all human, we all fall short of what we think we should be to ourselves and to others. We all strive to be "that girl" in the Christian books and stories. Didn't take long to realize we are that girl- she isn't perfect either. She is Ruth, she is Deliliah, she is Mary Magdalene, she is Bathsheba, she is the woman at the well.
As I look around the room at these women, all with their hearts open and full of understanding for the others, a sense of comraderie and compassion fills me from within.
And I wonder where they have been all my life.
Thats what meakes me a "Wonder Woman"
Praying for those Wonder Women tonight...and all their wondering.
Let me explain before you go looking for my bustier and arm bands....
I have never had a group of women I felt connected to. I have always had a friend here, a pal there. Acquaintences from the kids friends and women from work, but never really a true group of women that had emotion like I do, that loved their families fiercely like I do or that hurt quietly like I do.
Until now.
Let me introduce you to a true inner circle...
The first woman I will tell you about has a great job- but secretly wants to be at home in her pj's every moment, exploring with her kids and watching her husband play like he is a farmer. She has to make critical decisions at work everyday,then comes home to a housefull of errands, practices and produce, all needing to be tended to. Yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
Another woman is a WHIZ at the sewing machine- makes more quilts than I have ever seen and has a way of figuring things out that is to amazing- she makes it all look trivial. She has a hubby and 3 college kids, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
Another woman has a most difficult job- she speaks to those who have financial issues all day long. Her adult children live in two parts of the country and she takes care of her own house and life, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
One other woman has younger children, depending on her husband to cover her when she needs an escape. He is busy too, with a full time job and a family, and she takes care of their farm and holds the fort down, yet she still has made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because she is searching for something more...
then there is me....I have such a mess of things going on, I decided I needed this or therapy. Turns out its the best therapy I could get. I live in one type of zoo and work in another. Yet, I still have made a priority to come and study and be uplifted by a few like minded women, because I am searching for something more...
Full of prayer, praise and study. We are the most unlikely group of women to come together- funny how God works like that. No time for house talk, no time for complaining. Just pure studying about ourselves and what parts of us God uses to make our world go round... Focusing on a book about being "unglued". Sticky topic for us all.
By accidentally ministering to one of us, then that one ministering to another, a common thread was born. A thread of wanting Grace, Redemption, Change...a thread of wanting to change our families legacies, or their relationships with each of us. A thread spinning into a fabric that shows no matter the person, we are all human, we all fall short of what we think we should be to ourselves and to others. We all strive to be "that girl" in the Christian books and stories. Didn't take long to realize we are that girl- she isn't perfect either. She is Ruth, she is Deliliah, she is Mary Magdalene, she is Bathsheba, she is the woman at the well.
As I look around the room at these women, all with their hearts open and full of understanding for the others, a sense of comraderie and compassion fills me from within.
And I wonder where they have been all my life.
Thats what meakes me a "Wonder Woman"
Praying for those Wonder Women tonight...and all their wondering.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
the woman at the well
I am the woman at the well. Its true. I am her. I know what you are thinking.
1-you have only been married once
2-you are still married to the first
3-your well is electric
4-how can you even compare your life with hers
Here are all the answers:
1- I have been married only once, to a fabulous man ( not perfect, but perfect for me). He takes care of me, our children and our family. He meets all of my needs, and sometimes can read my mind. he keeps me grounded and safe.
2-We have been married for almost 21 years, with no issues of infidelity or otherwise. We have an honesty policy, even if the truth hurts. We are in everything together or not at all, with God leading us all the way.
3-Its a good thing I don't have to carry water any further than the barn- I am a huge wimp and carrying heavy things long distances wears on me.
4-I cannot compare my physical life with hers- no comparison.
She had been married and remarried.
She was living in sin with a man who wasn't her husband.
She was not welcome at the well with the other women who were more "appropriate" than her.
There it is.
She didn't feel welcome.
Jesus took her to his heart anyway.
Found one.
She did not understand what living water meant when He said it to her.
There it is again.
Misunderstanding.
She was not "pure" or "clean"
There it is again-imperfection.
She was not included in the daily lives of the other women, because she was different.
I spend a lot of time alone, feeling rejected.
She was not looking for Him, because she didn't know yet how he could change her heart.
Seriously significant- eye opening realization of who Christ is.
She had to learn about redemption the hard way.
DING DING...we have a winner.
I have learned everything the hard way.
Thank God He provides a soft landing.
The woman at the well is a fascinating story to me every time I read it. She is such an amazing example of how we receive gifts we weren't looking for, when we think we are undeserving. It is also the greatest example of how not to be as a woman. Regardless of my differences with others, nothing I do should ever lead another woman to feel like she is less than I am. Christ see's us all the same, and so should I.
Am I not the woman at the well?
That Jesus himself would save me, because He sees me as I am, not as I used to be?
Am I not the woman at the well?
Given the chance at eternity, no matter what the cost to Him?
Knowing my downfalls, my shortcomings, my everything?
Yet still He died for me, for her.
Because we are redeemed, I have nothing to fear.
*journal entry 7-7-13
Pray for yourself today- then pray for me.
1-you have only been married once
2-you are still married to the first
3-your well is electric
4-how can you even compare your life with hers
Here are all the answers:
1- I have been married only once, to a fabulous man ( not perfect, but perfect for me). He takes care of me, our children and our family. He meets all of my needs, and sometimes can read my mind. he keeps me grounded and safe.
2-We have been married for almost 21 years, with no issues of infidelity or otherwise. We have an honesty policy, even if the truth hurts. We are in everything together or not at all, with God leading us all the way.
3-Its a good thing I don't have to carry water any further than the barn- I am a huge wimp and carrying heavy things long distances wears on me.
4-I cannot compare my physical life with hers- no comparison.
She had been married and remarried.
She was living in sin with a man who wasn't her husband.
She was not welcome at the well with the other women who were more "appropriate" than her.
There it is.
She didn't feel welcome.
Jesus took her to his heart anyway.
Found one.
She did not understand what living water meant when He said it to her.
There it is again.
Misunderstanding.
She was not "pure" or "clean"
There it is again-imperfection.
She was not included in the daily lives of the other women, because she was different.
I spend a lot of time alone, feeling rejected.
She was not looking for Him, because she didn't know yet how he could change her heart.
Seriously significant- eye opening realization of who Christ is.
She had to learn about redemption the hard way.
DING DING...we have a winner.
I have learned everything the hard way.
Thank God He provides a soft landing.
The woman at the well is a fascinating story to me every time I read it. She is such an amazing example of how we receive gifts we weren't looking for, when we think we are undeserving. It is also the greatest example of how not to be as a woman. Regardless of my differences with others, nothing I do should ever lead another woman to feel like she is less than I am. Christ see's us all the same, and so should I.
Am I not the woman at the well?
That Jesus himself would save me, because He sees me as I am, not as I used to be?
Am I not the woman at the well?
Given the chance at eternity, no matter what the cost to Him?
Knowing my downfalls, my shortcomings, my everything?
Yet still He died for me, for her.
Because we are redeemed, I have nothing to fear.
*journal entry 7-7-13
Pray for yourself today- then pray for me.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
In The Garden
In the garden I find time to make all of those life adjustments I need to make, right when I need to make them. I can weed out my frustrations and create something beautiful at the same time. I love my gardens, whether it be the one for feeding or the one for beauty and enjoyment.
I love feeling the earth beneath my feet and the soil in my hands as I work to create a masterpiece, all along understanding that it is with Gods perfect timing that the things I plant will grow, just like the seeds planted in me have taken their time to flourish.
In the mean time, I pray consistently, and I now understand what it means to have a prayerful heart. It doesn't mean to be perfect, or to drop your every sin at a moments notice. What it does mean is that through real prayer comes real faith, and from real faith comes real change. Through these things, reading my bible and various other books, I have learned something in my heart that my head already knew. Jesus is as real as it gets, and when I behave like him, I am comforted in the knowledge that He accepts me where I am, in the middle of my growth and the middle of my life.
It also means facing adversity when most do not, and opening yourself up to a variety of spiritual warfare like no other. I love my God, with my everything. I am without a doubt walking through a time in my personal growth where I see things exactly as they are, and some of it is frightening to me. But I stand firmly on the rock that is my salvation, and on the one truth- there will come a day when the only opinion of me that is going to matter is going to be His and His alone.
The scary part of spiritual awakening for me is to see others in a new light, or reality, and to understand that unless someone gets to know your heart and the true "you", they will always see you as the person you were before, the person from the past. I can say with sincerity that I do not miss the girl I was, even 5 years ago. I do not miss her at all. My husband does not miss her, and my children do not miss her. I am certain my God does not miss her. She is a woman with no filter, no compassion and no spiritual connection. She was a woman of empty words. Sometimes I feel her creeping in, in a moment of weakness and I tell her to go, because there is no room in my heart for her anymore.
I feel sorry for those who still think I am her- for she is gone. I am me now- I am the Angie I have always wanted to be- I am a Christian first, a wife second and a mother third. I have good christian women who support and pray for me everyday, in spite of their circumstances. I have a husband who has been nothing but a support and source of love to me for over 20 years. I belong to a church that continues to grow and change, as churches sometimes do. I have faith that God will do exactly what I need, when I need it, because I am never alone- even if it is not what I ask for.
Even though sometimes I am made to feel like the woman at the well, I know that I should be proud to be her, on the receiving end of what Christ has to offer- living water and peaceful eternity.(more on this next time)
I hope you have enjoyed this post on my blog- I have enjoyed sharing it with you. I love to write, and I will continue to do so as long as you want to read.
Please remember to pray for yourself today, as you are important to God and to me.
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