Monday, June 8, 2009


So after writing everyones name down and picking out of a hat ( shoulda used a chicken feeder...) I finally came up with a winner of the adorable chicken lamp! I have to say, I was really having a good time with this...until mr linky got all grumpy and I didnt quite get the response I was expecting....maybe its the lamp??? NAH !!

So Congrats to Tamis........may your husband be satisfied with a lamp....but somehow I think he is really gonna want those chickens....Its ok...I wanted mine and finally got them...I LOVE THEM! Sure they are smelly sometimes, but they are nice pets, and will produce eggs for myself and Ali and our families so...Im ok with it......And they aren't as noisy as I thought they'd be, please visit my blog and check out my CHICKEN JOURNALS.......there is only one so far, but they will be comng fast and furious now that they are in the barn....and maybe you will grow to appreciate them a bit, for your hubbys sake?!

Yes I said the chickies are in the barn......they are all locked up- we have a fox issue now ya know.....and cute as can be! They even ROOST on a tiny roost Mackenzie made for them...its soo cute! They have even been seen scratching and pecking a bit...and trying out their wings.....really cute.....

I just want to share some emotional baggage I have apparantly been carrying around for a long time and didnt know it- until I realized how easily angered I am these days. I actually threw a Dr Pepper 2 liter across the yard yesterday because it exploded for no good reason all over my kitchen- sticky mess! I think I recall saying words I havent said in a LONG TIME also. Scared myself half silly thinking about it later. I ended up crying in my bedroom, folding a mountain of laundry, wondering if even God himself could hear my hurt....It was awful. I noticed later that not one person came to check on me- I must've made quite an impression. My hubby says as long as he knows where I am and he can hear me cry, he knows its going to be ok, and I just need time.

Well, I took my time and screamed on the inside, as I sobbed, asking why to a whole lot of questions. Like why is it so hard for me to get everything done? Why is it that my kids are disrespectful? Why do I never seem to have enough $$, no matter how hard I try to be soo frugal? Why am I so nervous about working from home all summer while the kids are out of school? Why do I feel alone so much, when I am always surrounded by soo many? Why do I have trouble keeping my anger in check, especially when it comes to the way others treat my children? I look at this as some kind of test - I know God never gives you anything you cant handle, but Im feeling like its ENOUGH ALREADY!!!
I even yelled at a cat this weekend. A cat. Who could care less about anything. I think I yelled at the washer too. ( i need more help than i realized) LOL
Is it depression I wonder? My dr says so....she thinks I need "something" to take the edge off.... Is this common? Im desperatly wanting to know because I want to be ok, and normal again...if there is such a thing. I havent been really happy for quite a long time, and its is lonely at the top. I say top because I am so hi strung now that Im having a hard time comin down.....Maybe I need a real Or something.

Is anybody out there? at all? argh.


  1. Sending prayers for you...hope things get better...keep posting...

  2. Love you girly! Keep your chin up! Maybe we should get together soon, share a bottle of wine, and a campfire..... :)

  3. Yeah for me! I cannot find your email address on your blog. My email is! I am still conflicted about the chickens but maybe this will be a happy start.

    As far as the anger/depression/hopeless thing. I feel ya. I finally gave up of trying on my own and am going to try pharmaceuticals we will see if it works. Good luck. It sounds like you have a great supportive husband!